Life on the F Train

ms. f moves

2009-04-28T22:14:00.001-04:00

to a new site. i am bored of this one. visit me here, it's more fun: http://mishistory.tumblr.com/

ms f is inked.

2009-04-26T17:48:00.005-04:00

went to Williamsburg with knots in my stomach and came back with a tattoo.

i commemorated my momentous event with a preparatory meal of coronas and pancakes, and a post-tattoo meal of banana & nutella crepes. nothing says "party" like multicultural pancakes.

many many warm thanks to those of you who endured my tortured conversations about why i wanted a tattoo and what type of tattoo to get. your input was inspiring. :)

ms f is OMG

2009-04-17T10:58:00.006-04:00

so excited. i've had a fever of 102/103 for the past 2 days and slept most of the time away. which is a fairly unfortunate way to spend spring break. but..i woke up today with a normal temperature and saw this...

ms. f's trip to the movies

2009-04-14T00:12:00.002-04:00

i went to see Adventureland today. I was the only person in the theater and felt all self-conscious. Then, 4 other people came into the theater and i felt more awkward. i'm not very good at doing things by myself--movies, lunch or dinner in a public place, just generally being out in society by myself can be a challenge.

however, i dealt. upsides of the movie: bill hader and kristen wiig. the 1987 setting of the movie also helped, as it was a given that i would be way into the soundtrack. i was. downsides: this movie was sweet and mad predictable.

even more exciting? i saw a movie that started at 9:20 on a MONDAY NIGHT. i left the theater after 11pm. i'm still awake after midnight with no immediate need to go to bed. because i am on vacation. :)

ms. f needs a vacation

2009-04-05T15:58:00.002-04:00

here's why:

1. she is about 3 weeks behind on grading
2. she can't seem to leave work before 6:30pm these days
3. she is definitely coming down with a serious flu/bad cold
4. she has contracted a 3 week long case of the Mondays
5. it's finally sunny outside
6. her bracket is toast
7. it's been almost 9 months since she was at Central Park
8. if you don't live or work with her, she hasn't spoken to you in weeks
9. her room is desperately crying out for a severe spring cleaning
10. she is so tired that she can't think of a 10th reason

it's a mere 3 days away people.

ms f is...

2009-03-29T13:47:00.002-04:00

conflicted.

life is pretty good these days--an old friend is in town for the weekend and it's made me remember that there was a time when i was a really fun (and funny) person. shadows of that person have re-emerged over the past few days and it's been a really welcome change.

in general i've fallen into a bit of a funk here in early 2009. and not the good George Clinton kind. despite the good-ness of life, the day-to-day grind is getting me down a little bit. that's pretty lame right? i'm chalking it up to the lack of vacation days in march, the cold outside and my unfortunately neurotic personality, but i need to snap out of it really fast. i don't want my new nickname to be Debby Downer...

ms f is...

2009-03-14T17:33:00.002-04:00

a little bit embarrassed that britney's new song "if you want to seek amy" has been stuck in her head for the past 12 hours.

Sunday Morning Thought

2009-03-01T09:53:00.003-05:00

Remember Sesame Street? I spent many a morning watching it--especially since we were only really allowed to watch 3 shows when I was younger. Seeing this clip, I have one overwhelming thought:

1. This is the letter with which my name begins. Not, contrary to popular belief (as evidenced by the hostess at the restaurant last night) with "Ch" or "C." Take a little note from my good friend Kermit.

ms f leaves work in the daylight.

2009-02-26T17:25:00.002-05:00

...and it was both both spectacular and disturbing! I forgot that there is actually a point in the day where the sun is still shining and i'm not dealing with other people's teenage children.

also: 29 days until spring break.

Circle of Friends

2009-02-08T16:23:00.004-05:00

Remember the movie with Minnie Driver and mid 90s heartthrob Chris O'Donnell? Where you're supposed to believe that Minnie is "chubby" (sure), and that Colin Firth is having an illicit affair with a younger woman (who in reality would have been running away from that creepy-man moustache)? It's a great movie.

But that's not the topic of today's post. No, the topic is actually my circle of friends. So far, none have been sneaking away to a friend's parents' summer cottage to get inappropriate with a snobby older man (at least that I know of). However, they have been throwing excellent gatherings and spending lots of quality time with Ms. F. For which I am thankful!

This weekend I had 4 different friend gatherings to attend. For someone like me--left to my own devices I would just stay in my PJs eating peanut butter and licorice while watching old episodes of Top Chef on Bravo all weekend--the task of more than 2 weekend functions is slightly overwhelming just to think about. But rest assured, my weekend was awesome. It even inspired me to complete one more outing tonight (unheard of Sunday night fun will hopefully stave off the Sunday night dread that came with my decision to become a teacher)!

To those of you who I got a chance to hang out with this weekend--I send you my most sincere and platonic besos (I'm working on my ability to show affection remember?). From the numerous beverages consumed before 6pm on Friday, to the realization that I have a secret twin living in New Rochelle on Saturday, my weekend was poppin.

And to top it all off--and prove that I am making 2009 my year for self-improvement--I performed (horribly, mind you) my very first ever karaoke song Saturday. I was a background singer going by a fake name to protect my integrity. And I was horrible. And so nervous that I clutched at my purse and wanted to run away the whole time. But I didn't (probably to the chagrin of the audience).

Most random event of the weekend? Posing for a picture with a storm trooper (a la Star Wars). Quite fitting considering that storm troopers were the main characters in my most terrifying recurring childhood dream.

well played, groundhog.

2009-02-02T20:26:00.005-05:00

in an attempt to keep my new years' resolution to blog more, here goes attempt #2 of 2009. today is monday and i'm pretty tired, so there's not really a common theme to what i'm thinking....

students come back to school tomorrow after a few days off during regents week. i'm not mentally prepared for them. i bet they're not mentally prepared for me either. sigh.

the weather here was about 35 degrees higher than it has been in a long time. it threw me off a bit.

apparently, each borough in nyc has its own groundhog. what happens if the bronx groundhog sees his shadow, but in staten island there's no shadow? mass hysteria?

i can't get that old song "Mr. Vain" by Culture Beat out of my head. it's been there all weekend long. seriously. don't know what i'm talking about? i guarantee that if you were born between 1970-1994 you actually do...

i just bought an iphone and i'm even annoying myself with my one track mindedness about the whole thing. i love it. i can't think about anything else. but i think the relationship might be slightly one sided.

new year's resolutions.

2009-01-02T18:52:00.003-05:00

1. to write more blog updates. (?) i've been busy and unmotivated lately. life is becoming increasingly difficult to pare down into witty blog postings. perhaps that's a good thing?

2. to have a montage-worthy year. Rocky IV, perhaps the BEST MOVIE EVER, is on tv right now. it boasts 2 of the best movie montages ever--the post-Apollo's death montage, which is really just flashbacks from the 1st 3 movies; and the training montage set in the siberian winter. amazing. i'm not sure exactly why i like this movie so much. i remember watching it when i was little and becoming obsessed with Russia...perhaps my boy crazy 7 year old self fell a little bit in love with ivan drago? who knows. but rocky's life looks all dramatic and full of meaning when set to an 80s power ballad. i want that. find me a power ballad worthy and i'll do my best to montage my year in december 2009.

ms f is...

2008-11-05T00:54:00.004-05:00

feelin good about the future.

new vocabulary.

2008-11-03T18:41:00.003-05:00

new world of the day: dry.

not as in, the opposite of wet, but as in "Miss, this project is DRY."

said by a former student about a project done by one of my current students, in an attempt to shine light on the fact that the work was quickly done and without creativity.

in ms. f terms, dry = super lame/not exciting/the lesson i taught about limited monarch today/mwaph mwaph.

antonyms: poppin/hot/nice/"fly" (student's word, not mine), or anything else meaning really good. again, wet is NOT a proper antonym.

Something is rotten in the state of new york.

2008-11-02T22:19:00.002-05:00

and that something is the end of the weekend.

do other people dread sunday night like i do, or is it a teacher thing?

discuss.

top 2 favorite halloween sightings

2008-10-31T19:41:00.002-04:00

i am semi-lame and avoiding the crazy nyc halloween scene this year. i'll be home on my couch watching The Ring for the first time and probably inducing a week of insomnia (because let's face it, i'm a big fat wuss when it comes to scary movies. i watch them through the cracks between my fingers).

but i saw 2 things that made me laugh today:

1. a big black shaggy dog taking a walk with his owner. he had a thick line of cotton attached somehow to his back so that he was dressed up as a (wait for it) skunk. it was pretty funny.

2. two girls between the ages of 10-13. i feel like an alarming number of girls that age these days are dressing sorta skanky on halloween (and other random days of the year). i realize this makes me sound like my mother. i don't really care. but anyway, these girls were wearing matching clothes and they were both sharing a giant cardigan sweater--each with one arm in the armhole, so that they were conjoined twins. awesome? yes.

school was remarkably uneventful for a typically crazy day. although i did have to confiscate a phone during classtime, and the girl i took it from did definitely call me the "b word." ouch. what she didn't realize is that when you call someone a profane name, it tends to make them less likely to actually give you what you want. whoops.

and now...deep thoughts.

2008-10-30T00:08:00.001-04:00

“While Hinduism is a polytheistic religion, Judaism is antipolytheistic.”
—an 11th grader’s failed attempt to guess the word monotheistic on a class quiz.

a little "motivation" for the week...

2008-10-27T00:15:00.005-04:00

if you have a case of the mondays, let matt foley, one of my all time favorite people, get you in gear...

is it friday yet?

2008-10-21T21:19:00.002-04:00

...i take that back. is it june yet?

peel me off the dirty classroom floor when it is.

thanks.

look what i can do.

2008-10-07T22:48:00.004-04:00

ms f makes a comic. by sljglobal

ms f creates a contest.

2008-10-02T20:25:00.005-04:00

want to be a winner?

help me think of a good, juicy storyline for a soap opera about the middle ages.

in about a month, my students will be writing and performing brief scenes from their very own telenovelas about (cue dramatic music) THE MIDDLE AGES!!!!!

here's a little teaser i created this week to get them in the mood (please feel free to applaud my gratutious use of dramatic trailer music).

here's where you come in.

i don't really watch soap operas. but i have to create a sample to show students what i expect from them. i'll be filming the sample with some of my old students, but we need a script before i can film. i'm hitting a bit of a mental roadblock when thinking up plot points.

so, i need ideas for a mildly ridiculous but still funny and historically accurate storyline that includes the following things:

a far off bloody war (The Crusades)
traveling to a new land (The Silk Road)
incurable disease (The Black Death)
new art/science/technology (The Renaissance)
turning your back on the church (The Protestant Reformation)

The person who provides me with the best overall plot for a Medieval soap will get a free drink from ms f upon our next meeting!

Additionally, the person who gives me the best title suggestion for my fake soap opera will also get a free drink!

This contest ends on October 10th.

like a bad 3rd date.

2008-09-30T21:25:00.004-04:00

for those of you who don't know, i have to go to the cardiologist once a year because i have a congenital heart problem that needs to be monitored. what goes along with this annual check-up? really awkward tests, like the echocardiogram.

today was my check-up. i show up like a responsible adult at 10:50 for an 11am appt. true to doctor style, i am forced to wait in the waiting room until 11:40. when the dr finally sees me, she doesn't actually speak to me for the first 10 minutes, instead flipping through my chart and mysteriously typing while looking only at the screen of her computer and my chart. awkwardly, i pick at the arms of the wooden chair and wish that the standard seascape painting on the wall will swallow me up. that's a bad sign--i get sea sick.

anyway, after my brief check-in w/the doc, i have to wait another 35 minutes for the echo test, done by an eastern european woman who was not very friendly. ever had an echo? it's like a sonogram, but of your heart, not your baby. anyway, people usually think sonograms are all sweet--you get to see your baby and what not. echos? not so much.

i hate being touched. i realize that sounds all cold and frigid, but i don't care. i'm unreasonably ticklish. i once had a pedicure. it was worse than when i used to get spanked every day as a child. i don't know that i've ever met someone as ticklish as me. this is all fine and good in my depressingly single life, but it presents a problem when faced with visits to the doctor.

just like with a sonogram, when you're getting an echo done, the technician squirts this freezing cold gel onto a little "transducer" (this little stick that transmits the images to a big screen), and then presses the transducer onto your chest and rib cage to get images of your heart. i seriously thought i was going to die from the torture of ticklishness during this test. and it didn't help that the technician kept barking "don't move!" at me as i gritted my teeth and tensed every muscle in my entire body to keep from laughing/crying.

and nobody even bought me dinner first.

i'm a genius!

2008-09-27T21:36:00.003-04:00

i've just updated my itunes software so that i now have itunes 8.0. how much do i love the new genius feature? (the answer is SO MUCH). i can now have my computer pick out all my early 90s angsty music in seconds, by simply clicking on just one angsty song. right now i'm definitely swaying to some mazzy star. it all reminds me of 8th grade homeroom. i'm not really sure why.

but when i think of 8th grade homeroom that reminds me of the time that i got a black eye (in that very classroom, which was also my social studies classroom) on valentines day. i was walking to class and someone was leaving another classroom and the door opened out and flew into my face. my homeroom was in a building where the classrooms opened to the outside, not to an indoor hallway. so the doors were heavy. this means the door actually hurt pretty badly when it HIT MY FACE.

seriously. who does this happen to? on valentines day. thinking back, i don't even really understand the physics of how a big all-weather door can actually hit someone in the face, rather than the shoulder or leg. but it happened to me. when i was 12. like i wasn't lame enough anyway. i was already that geeky new girl with bushy eyebrows and bad hair. i hadn't thought of that incident in probably 8 years. it's refreshing to realize that my awkwardness isn't a new thing, it's something i've perfected over the course of my ENTIRE LIFE.

hee.

ps--i know i'm a social studies teacher, but i found the debate yesterday kinda dull. i watched it while on a work retreat, so maybe the combination of friday night sleepiness, a long day of school stuff, a bus full of alcohol, cheese-its and sour patch kids impacted my ability to focus. be glad i'm not teaching your kids.

things i noticed today.

2008-09-23T20:57:00.007-04:00

i noticed that...

5:15 am is a pretty unpleasant wake up time.
tuesday morning before 5:30 am feels suspiciously like you've been hit by a big fat truck.
my train rides are all about the 90s music
they can sell hard-boiled eggs in "protein snack packs" at starbucks? eew.
it feels like fall outside. awesome!
it feels like a tropical rainforest in my classroom. not awesome!
i am entirely overscheduled.
on average, my students are pretty terrible liars.
i'm tired of bringing my lunch to school. (and it's only tuesday)
kickboxing yesterday killed my legs.
i was slightly tempted to strangle a few students.
there was a boy of no more than 10 walking across the street in a 1940s style military uniform, holding the hand of a well-dressed older woman. motherboy anyone?
i may have consumed an entire bottle of salad dressing on top of one salad. does that make it less healthy?
while i find her somewhat repulsive the "rachel zoe project" on bravo is sort of addictive. (ps: i should be banned from watching bravo tv)
the thought of leaving this chair to go to the gym is pretty much impossible.
the thought of leaving this chair to go get ice cream is HIGHLY tempting.
i have to get up and do it all again tomorrow.

how much smarter would you be if I was YOUR teacher?

2008-09-18T19:29:00.004-04:00

because the following is a direct quote from one of my students' comments on our class discussion site:

"The government would not be as strong, powerful, and as vital at it is today without the input of humans."

technically, she's right. the government would NOT be strong, powerful, or nearly as vital as it is today, without the input of humans.

this analytical fabulousness manifested itself after only 3 weeks. imagine the level of conversation we'll be approaching in a month.

now, just think of the leaps and bounds that YOU could make in your study of history and the human condition under my tutelage.

can't help myself

2008-09-17T23:28:00.004-04:00

i realize everyone and their mother has probably seen this many times, but i am still giggling.

where are you?

2008-09-11T21:44:00.003-04:00

Dear Ms. F,

It seems like a lifetime since we last talked. I feel like we're growing apart. Ever since September 2, our friendship has been this vague shadowy memory. Remember how we planned yesterday to do something fun after work? Instead, you stayed at work an extra 2 hours and proceeded to go home and collapse on your couch before transitioning to crashing in your bed. You didn't even talk. You just made lots of sighing and groaning noises as you slid in and out of consciousness while watching Project Runway. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But honestly, we used to have so much fun together!

Remember how sometimes you used to go to places that weren't your apartment? Or your job? Remember how you used to be fun? It seems like ever since school started, all you do is plan, grade, complain and take the F train to work.

Sometimes it feels like you're at work for 12+ hours. And you've started to develop a dependency on starbucks. You used to rebuff the global corporation mentality, and now you wait in line for 15 minutes for yuppie liquid crack. Anyway, we should really hang out but I feel like we need to set some ground rules. Rule 1: snap out of your funk. I mean, I miss your company and all, because you can be kinda fun sometimes and you're pretty sarcastic. Also, I think other people think you're sort of lame for never being around.

I heard a rumor that you worked through this past weekend. That's pretty whack. I think you need to stop worrying about your lessons, your complainy, entitled students, and whether or not you finished all of your non-teaching duties. Go have a root beer. Or a shot of whiskey. Then we'll talk.

So pony up and get a life already. You're boring.

Love,
Yourself.

(PS--Need another sign that you need to get it together? You just started shrieking like a 12 year old girl when you saw a cockroach the size of your hand crawling on your door, and sprayed a can of raid all over it (and your door) until it fell. Then you made your roommate dispose of it. The Ms. F that I know would suck it up and take that bad boy out herself. You're a hot mess.)

end of summer blues

2008-08-31T23:06:00.002-04:00

so last week i went back to school, to get my classroom ready and gear up for the coming year. school starts on tuesday. sigh.

the upside: i have a nice classroom in a brand new building and it's looking pretty good (i'm going to upload pics soon so that everyone can ooh and aah at my decorative skills)

the downside: i have to go back to work.

i've been really enjoying summer. i think i've slightly reverted back to my high school years. evidence:

- i can't stop listening to rihanna and katy perry. i recognize that katy perry's music is annoying. but it's like crack.

- i was recently introduced to the twilight book series. about vampires. and teen angst. and i am so hooked. i spent 3 hours in the middle of this afternoon reading on my couch instead of enjoying the lovely outside air on my 2nd to last day of summer vacation. i may even go back to reading the rest after posting this, so that i can be done with the obsession.

unrelated: my hard drive died on friday and i responded with immediate panic and anxiety. i think i may have sustained a slight heart attack. by saturday afternoon the genius bar had replaced my hard drive with a brand new one for me to pick up. luckily i back up my files, so i only lost like 4 or 5 files. seriously people--back up your computers.

summer thing 14: perfect summer days

2008-08-21T23:22:00.011-04:00

what follows is the cliche, yet obligatory urban-dweller post about awesome food. consider yourself warned.

yesterday my nonsexual soulmate (who shall be called NSS in all future posts) and i trekked to Chinatown for a real, genuine $7 day. in which we would spend no more than $7 for the day. we purchased all of the edible goodness that you see here at the dumpling house on eldridge st in chinatown for $3 a piece. i had to give my vegetarianness a rest (again) in exchange for cheap and tasty pork buns and a peking duck pancake.

we followed up our filling $3 meal with a trip to the chinatown ice cream factory (goodbye veganism), where i savored my "zen butter" ice cream, which cost $3.75 (yep, more than my whole lunch). zen butter tasted a lot like sesame, peanut butter and something else indescribably rich and tasty. yum.

as if the day wasn't awesome enough, the weather was a non-humid 75 or so degrees and sunny. i felt like i was back in my overprivileged college days, when i took the sunshine, palm trees and abundance of tanned, attractive swimmers for granted.

the afternoon ended at the strand, where we broke our $7 rule to buy $1 bargain books for our classrooms. so that didn't really count anyway. exciting purchases for ms. f? The Bluest Eye and Beloved, by Toni Morrison, neither of which I've ever read. I'm accruing quite a reading list for the following year. more to follow on that soon.

equally fabulous? the dinner party i attended in the evening. great wine (complete with an exciting stick on the bottle), food, and conversation dominated the evening. not to give myself airs or anything, but i think i was only slightly socially awkward. it was such a great night that the train ride from brooklyn to the upper east side at midnight didn't seem so bad. i even rewarded myself for such a pleasant day with a 1 am hot chocolate (which i suppose brought my spending total to $9 all in all). perfect ending to a fabulously leisurely day.

fyi--i imagine my posts next week won't have this happy go lucky feel, as tomorrow is my last summer vacation day. savor the upbeat blog while you can people, because it won't last much longer.

summer thing 13: the rural juror

2008-08-18T22:13:00.006-04:00

have you seen 30 rock? did you see "the rural juror" episode? awesome.

technically, i could be considered a 'rural juror.' i went to jury duty and grew up in rural oregon. so there you go. and so...

today i woke up at 7am (trust me, it was not pretty) and sped down the R train to Canal St to get to my jury duty site. we sat, waited and waited some more. but i was prepared: books, computer and snacks. luckily, NYC has decided to provide jurors with wifi, so i was able to send the following email to my roommate:

From: Ms F

Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 12:02 PM

To: Ms. F's roommate

jury duty.

bored.

computer dying.

gum chewing to my right.

ack!

---
to which my roommate was gracious enough to indulge me, rather than giving me the appropriate response (which is "suck it up ms. f. i'm at WORK. like, real work.")

From: Ms. F's roommate

Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 12:05 PM

To: ms. f

OH NO! I'm sorry. I should have given you my book in which a woman goes to jury duty and meets one of the loves of her life. Then at least you could be pretending to have a good time. Do you have any idea when you'll be done? Maybe they'll let you out soon!

-----
i, sadly, did not meet one of my lifelong loves while sitting in the jury room. But they DID let us out early (and i left only having to serve one day of jury duty).

i would like to emphasize that, without question (as evidenced by above email) my roommate situation is far superior to the Lo/Audrina drama currently going on on the season premiere of "The Hills." yep. i said it. i watch it. you know you do too (or at least you should).

summer thing 12: random sidewalk sightings

2008-08-17T22:01:00.003-04:00

on my way to my local non-starbucks coffee shop today i saw the funniest thing. picture it:

blonde, wholesome family of four walking down the sidewalk toward me. a 2-3 year old son in a stroller, a daughter slightly older. the parents are walking and talking but the kids are belting out (at full volume): "I like to move it move it! I like to move it move it!" and shaking their booties, both in and out of the stroller. they finished out the song and booty-shakin and burst into peals of laughter.

kids these days.

summer thing 11: my fake husband

2008-08-15T01:05:00.004-04:00

i visited my fake husband at work yesterday. it was really nice to see him in his element.

in unrelated news, what is UP with all the rain but the general lack of nasty humidity in nyc these days? i am loving it. today i celebrated the lack of nasty by spending a few hours at the boat pond in central park. it was relaxing and, well, more relaxing. also, there was a guy there who made it his business to belch as loudly as possible every 10 or so minutes. to be honest, i was both grossed out and impressed by the distance the belches traveled. i guess if you're gonna do it, go big.

speaking of going big, it's after 1am and i'm still awake because i just watched the 2+ hour coverage of the women's all around gymnastics competition. did anyone else find the balance beam scores particularly shady? i know my nbc counterparts elfie schlegel and tim daggett shared my suspicions, which made me like them a bit more and return to the question "who names their child 'elfie?'" thoughts, anyone?

summer things 8, 9 and 10: leotards, leggings and leopard

2008-08-12T01:03:00.004-04:00

#8: Leopard
First things first: BACK UP YOUR HARD DRIVES people.

i am a huge supporter of apple products. i'm a walking apple ad. i have the video ipod, the ipod shuffle for the gym, i'm on my 2nd apple laptop. i pine for the iphone. i have the cute apple store approved neoprene case for my macbook because it's just so hip that i had to have it. and yet.

i went to the apple store w/my roommate yesterday to support her conversion to the apple side of life. while the sales guy was talking her through the differences between macs and pcs, he showed us Leopard, the newest of the mac OS X operating systems. i began to drool as i saw the hot new ways to view your files; i longed to be able to back up files every hour on the hour with the time machine program. i was sold. so i bought it, took it home, and installed it. just to be on the safe side, i backed everything up on my external hard drive.

fast forward 14 hours. i shut down my computer to take it out. when i attempt to start it up, it scoffs at me, preferring to remain in that dreaded blue screen, still loading limbo. i sighed, figuring i'd take it home, use the install disk to start it up, and it'd be fine. right. i get home. doesn't work the 30 times i try it. so i call apple. 90 minutes and 2 phone calls later, i am erasing my hard drive and reinstalling leopard onto my computer. mind you, i bought the program to ensure that i would always be able to back up my documents. barely able to conceal my fury from the tech support on the phone, i repeat silently in my head "at least you backed it all up last night" about 4000 times. sure enough, once the software is updated, i plug in my trusty external hard drive and everything's there where it should be. my sole gripe? i have to recreate my web browser bookmarks (which is annoying because i had a bunch of important work sites saved), and my handy little widget stickies (also annoying--i had some random account/confirmation numbers saved. note to self: always email these things to myself as a secondary back up). but it could be worse. i could have lost 4 years worth of curriculum and thousands of photos and songs.

#9: Leggings
ok. i get that the full body swim suit makes people insanely (and inhumanly) fast. i've watched the world records shatter in almost every swimming final of these Olympics so far. but leggings are sort of hit or miss in the world of fashion, and i feel the same about the full body version of them as a means to a faster end in sports. it's disconcerting to me when, if i'm not paying close attention, i can't tell whether it's a mens' or womens' race simply by looking at the competitors.

call me old fashioned, but i miss the days of knowing that michael phelps is not a chick because he's not wearing a suit exactly like the ones the women's sprinters wore during their relay (and what was up with the pouty attitudes the US women had when they got the silver medal in the 4x100 relay?). speaking of relays--did you all see the insanity that was the men's 4x100 freestyle relay yesteday (sunday)? how is it possible that there are people who move that fast? 100 meters in 46 seconds? it takes me longer than that to decide what to i want to eat when i open the fridge. honestly.

also, if we are going to be subjected to multiple daily interviews with michael phelps, can we PLEASE think of some new, exciting questions to ask him? my guess is that every time he wins a gold medal/shatters a world record/demonstrates his superhuman athletic ability, he's probably going to say that he felt really good about his performance. also, we all get that his life consists of swimming, eating, eating, swimming, eating, drug testing, eating, swimming and sleeping. so stop asking him about his routine and how he eats enough to feed a sizeable army every day.

think outside of the box people.

#10: leotards
so male gymnasts don't really wear leotards, but i couldnt think of any other L-words related to the sport. and the L-alliteration was such a catchy title.

anwyay. i've got full on olympic fever and i'm not ashamed to admit it. it's 1:18 am, and i just spent a solid 2.5 hours sprawled out on the couch, glued to our tiny tv, backseat commentating the men's gymnastics team finals. it's amazing how you don't follow a sport for 3 years, and then over the course of 2 nights you get so involved in the success of 6 (previously unknown to you) athletes that you have sympathy heart attacks every time they look like they might falter. i also find that it takes me about 10 seconds before i fall into this superiority complex where i get all judgemental about the nbc commentators and their snarky attitudes toward the athletes. never mind the fact that they are typically world/olympic champions in the sports on which they comment. i feel like while playing competitive sports can bring out the worst in other people, watching them brings out the worst in me.

despite that, my sense of patriotism has improved since 8.8.08. did you all watch mens gymnastics tonight? it was pretty awesome. the US was not expected to medal, considering that every single member of the team was a first time olympian. but then they got all "fierce, fired up underdog" on the rest of the field and won the bronze. they were so genuinely excited about it, that it warmed my jaded new york heart and got me rooting for the country of my birth.

i even secretly enjoyed the melodramatic montages and cavity-inducing "special interest" stories that nbc does so well to draw the audience in. but don't tell anyone.

summer thing #7: The Olympics!

2008-08-09T01:27:00.002-04:00

The Beijing Olympics are here! As I do just about every four years, I found myself inexplicably drawn to the Opening Ceremonies--it's like a long version of the Oscars, minus the snarky intro by Jon Stewart or Billy Crystal. I know that going in, but I'll sit through the four + hour barrage of history through interpretive dance, explosives and tons of athletes in their yacht club best. I can't help it. I'm a sucker for dramatic music, inspirational stories of struggle and triumph, and incredible pyrotechnics/choreographed amazingness. Seriously, did you watch tonight's ceremony? Pretty impressive. I get so into it, that I continue to sit through the long (and seemingly randomly organized) march of the athletes into the Olympic stadium. It's sort of like being forced to watch thousands of undergrads enter the stadium on graduation day, except it goes on for like 2 hours longer. Though it is pretty awesome that I can celebrate all their hard work and self sacrifice by eating multiple desserts on the couch in my sweats, my eyes slightly glazed over as I endure yet another Bob Costas pun.

Get psyched for swimming, gymnastics, track and field, and more emotionally stirring NBC sports montages than you'll know what to do with. And seriously? I'm going to look into how Bob Costas got this whole Olympics hosting gig. he's been doing it since I can remember, and it seems like a sweet deal. Wake up, travel to an exciting location. Tape yourself waxing poetic about other people's accomplishments for a bit. Explore the city you're in, go out to eat. As I said to my lovely roommate today, he's like a professional summarizer for NBC sports. I'm a really good summarizer too! I'd be all over that job. For real. He's going to have to retire eventually, right?

In the meantime, I'll be an armchair observer of all things Olympic for the next 16 days. Check it out--in case the 4 billion hours of televised coverage on NBC, MSNBC, USA Network or Oxygen (really? oxygen?) isn't enough for you, you can watch everything (literally) on nbc.com. I tried a snazzy little widget below:

Exclusive Summer Olympics news & widgets at NBC Olympics.com!

geeks and tropical fruit

2008-08-07T00:11:00.008-04:00

first of all, can i say how excited i am about Pineapple Express? so excited.

let me explain. i'm not a big pot movie fan. but i love, love, LOVE seth rogen and james franco. if i could exist in any tv universe, it would be the land of Freaks and Geeks. why?

because it was so endearing and awkward. you want to simultaneously hug and mock nick andopolis, when he says things like "I'm gonna be a Deejay, man...And maybe a lumberjack."

if i was like any character in high school, i was definitely millie. why? because i was good at math, had a poor sense of style, and tragically rode the bus until i graduated. despite this, i like to imagine that i was more like lindsay. she was all, "i'm not part of one crowd and i'm super smart, but also really into wearing an old army jacket and rejecting my genetic predisposition toward geekiness." and all the guys she hung out with were inexplicably adorable despite their underachievements.

so imagine my disappointment when i watched Tuesday's episode of The Daily Show with Seth Rogen--expecting the wit and snark of Ken Miller, his Freaks and Geeks counterpart-- instead getting an awkward, deadpan-free interview that highlighted the benefits of dropping out of high school and smoking lots of weed.

sign that i'm still a little like millie: i was like "really, ken? come on now," and got a little judgy. but only a little because i'm still going to go see the movie. and i still secretly love seth rogen. how can you not?

anyway, this all leads into...

new summer thing #7: using incoherent phrases like slang
i saw a commercial for Pineapple Express today that advertised Rolling Stone magazine is saying the movie is a "Hot box full of crazy." is that good? because it sounds an awful lot like when we say students at school are a "hot mess on a platter." which is definitely not a good thing. get it together Rolling Stone. or at least tell me when you update new hip slang.

also, while watching project runway tonight, i saw a commercial for the nightmare that is going to be the rachel zoe reality show. in which said stylist attempts to coin "new" catchphrases like "bananas." as in, "OMG, you look BANANAS in that dress." what, are you six? and listening to gwen stefani like 4 years ago? honestly. go eat something.

in other vernacular news, the slightly crazy man who sometimes hangs out/sleeps on the doorstep of our building, who once called me his "brother from another mother" as i walked by, yelled at me today about something. i'm not sure what. if i didn't know any better, i might've said it sounded like a hot box full of craaaazy.

new summer thing #6

2008-08-05T23:49:00.003-04:00

drumroll please...

summer thing #6: geeky internet technology

so i've been developing some web resources for my class in the fall, and in my work, i've discovered how to save youtube videos so that i can use them in class. awesome.

i also came across the coolest website ever for a not-so-secret geek like me. it made my day. i can't tell you how many times i've watched a movie trailer and wondered "what is that song? where have i heard that before?" now i can look it up! like the dork that i am. i stumbled across it while looking for resources to develop a class project to create more, awesome, fake movie trailers about ancient history. now i can try to find hot tracks to make my students' trailers seem more realistic.

on a side note: have you seen the preview for the movie Mirrors? It looks terrible. honestly. i mean, kiefer sutherland, couldn't you stick to 24, not getting into trouble with the law, and confusing me about why you don't have an accent but your father does?

lastly, i just bought my airline ticket for my 5 year college reunion. class of 03, i'll be schmoozin with you on the lush campus of Stahn-forrrd in just over 2 months. yay!

ms f's summer thing #5!

2008-08-05T00:39:00.005-04:00

what is it?

well...it's summer!

i know, you're asking, "can 'summer' really be counted as a 'new summer thing' as it happens every year between the months of june and august?" yes. why? because i say so.

i know you non teachers are probably grumbling at me right now about how i get 8 precious weeks off from the end of june to the end of august. well, you know what? i need every single minute of this vacation. from september to june i am: teacher/tutor/role model/surrogate parent/disciplinarian/
counselor/college advice giver/cheesy joke teller to 100 emotionally unstable, hormonally-driven teenagers to whom i have no biological ties. it's exhausting. so i'm going to describe in detail why today i was frequently reminded of the awesomeness of summer.

9 am: i woke up. nearly 4 hours after my typical school year wake up call. i woke up when my body wanted to, thank you very much. and it was luxurious. i peered at the alarm clock around 8am and thought "no thanks" and slept some more until i was fully ready to face my relaxing day.

11:45 am: i went to the gym. during the summer, i don't have to have a post-work workout like the rest of the city. i got to do my work out today alongside spandex clad ladies who lunch, t-shirt clad retired ladies, and the ever so unfortunately wife-beater clad muscle men whose jobs apparently require them to spend hours on end getting sweaty, smelly and pumped at the gym. it's a whole different feel than the tense "i just left the office for 45 minutes to work out my massive stress before i have to get back to my extremely busy and important work life" vibe of the 6:30-8pm crowd.

2pm: lunch at the shake shack with a couple friends. i've been hearing about this place for ages but never tried before. do you live in nyc? can you stand for a good 25-30 minutes in line for lunch? then i recommend this place. good for the soul, probably bad for the rest of you.

confession: remember how i said i was giving up bad foods? my goal: give up meat and dairy. well, i had a moment of introspection as i examined the menu at shake shack while waiting in line. after that very brief moment, i decided that it's really impractical to follow through on the no meat/no dairy when eating out with friends (particularly at a burger joint). and anyway, one lunch won't ruin my healthy living forever. (just for 4 years until the grease clears from my arteries). so, i decided to go to (still vegetarian) town. i had a deep-fried, muenster and cheddar filled portabello mushroom on a bun. with fries. and possibly the most amazing vanilla milkshake on the planet. it honestly tasted like it was made with homemade ice cream. and love.

i sat there with my food, wondering what on earth possessed me to fathom not eating cheese.

4:30pm: i think i ate too much. so i decided to walk the 50 or so blocks home from union square because a) it was a gorgeous day and b) i was so full i wasn't sure i could actually sit down on the subway.

5:30pm: after a leisurely hour of walking and stopping into bookstores, my feet were beginning to blister because of my poor choice of walking shoes. time to catch the bus.

this is why summer is awesome. from 9-5 i did exactly what i wanted and it was amazing.

also, if you got married this summer and i attended your wedding and did not mention it on here, don't be offended. your wedding rocked. you had a mean playlist (Gene Simmons at a wedding? bold move. but it paid off), cozy ceremony, and a generally fabulous day. and personalized m&ms ( i definitely took extras that were left on the table, fyi). just ask my roommate/parents/other friends--to whom i wouldn't stop talking about how lovely your wedding was (they were all like "okay. that's enough. you're being embarrassing. go get your own wedding already if you liked theirs so much!"). ok. was that awkward? sorry.

i'm done now.

ms f's new summer thing #4

2008-08-01T20:17:00.002-04:00

i promise, this is unrelated to vegan cooking, bikram yoga, or anything else that will help you find inner peace or harness your chi. serious.

new summer thing #4: online tests for credit
i just took the CLEP exams in humanities and interpreting and analyzing literature to gain course credits for work, and i was really nervous for 2 big reasons:

the type a personality in me that rears its anal-retentive, anxiety ridden head only on occassion HATES taking tests. mostly because if i don't get what equates to an A, i'll feel like a failure. and i was afraid i was going to fail in a big way.
i was really afraid i was going to oversleep. i needed to get up at 7:45 am this morning. my average wake up time this summer has been 11am.

luckily, i passed. giving me 12 college-level credits. woo! and when i finished, at 1pm, i had been up and active for over 5 hours, instead of sitting semi-conscious in my pjs on the couch watching daytime tv. i need to make a habit of this whole "getting out of the house" business.

my other big accomplishment of the past 36 hours? i've been constructing a KILLER web-world for my upcoming global history class. i feel like i've given birth to a baby genuis, because it's all i want to talk about, and i want to show it off to everyone in that obnoxious, maternal way. i will spare you for now, mainly because it isn't done yet, and when it is, it's gonna be awesome personified.

happy weekend!

ms f's new summer thing #3

2008-07-31T00:36:00.002-04:00

i went to the dentist today. i was pretty anxious, as i hadn't been to a dentist in nearly 5 years...i was envisioning a nightmare visit that would culminate in a judgy lecture about flossing (which i do every day) and multiple fillings (which i've never had). pleasant surprise: the dentist was really friendly and the visit was speedy. i have NO cavities and "beautiful teeth." thank you 4 years of braces and a short stint in 5th grade with headgear. way to pay off years down the line.

but on to other things...

new summer thing 3: healthy food.

this is horrible (and possibly counter to my new love of the food network). in college i contemplated marketing the "cookie dough diet" as a sustainable way of life. in grad school i spent an entire month living off of chocolate chip ice cream (think 1 gallon every other day) and chocolate chip bagels. at the pizza place on my corner, the owner knows me by sight, and will start getting my 2 enormous cheese and mushroom slices in the oven before i've even ordered. and let's be honest--if dessert were a man, i'd marry it. cheesecake? apple pie? you know i'm single and waiting.

so why the change? i think it would feel better if i ate better. let's face it--i was a tired, caffeine dependent robot this past year AND i spent too much money on takeout. if i eat better, i'll be less likely to go out to eat, because...there's nothing healthy on the menu? maybe it's not that bad, but i'll be more inclined to cook, which will help affirm my position in the world as an actual grown up--not just a kid pretending she's an adult because she has her mom's old, high quality, hand me down pots and pans. i'll let you know how it goes. but--as evidence of my new habits (for those of you who've been around me anytime in the past 5 years)--i've gone 2 weeks without coffee OR diet pepsi. or soda in general. AMAAAAZING. i also baked vegan brownies the other day. from scratch. they called for tofu. sounded weird, tasted awesome. in fact, i made more tonight. and ate 4 of them (some things will probably never change).

ms f's new summer thing #2

2008-07-29T21:19:00.002-04:00

yesterday i introduced you to my new thing #1 of the summer: bikram yoga. i did another class today, possibly getting sweatier than the first class. i'm sore in places i didn't think could get sore. and i finally found a place where i am not the stretchiest person in the room. i sorta felt inadequate. but i think it love it a little.

and before i get to thing #2 of the summer, can i just say that i just received a catalog in the mail called "Oriental Trading Co. Weddings." your one stop catalog shop for all things bridal. that should come in handy when i get married. in 30 years. but that's neither here nor there.
onward:

new summer thing 2: the food network

i used to have a thing for the food network--back when "Iron Chef America" was just getting started, and i thought "Ace of Cakes" was kinda neat, and back before america was on rachel ray overload. but then things cooled between us for a bit and i dabbled in my "OC" phase, had a brief fling with "Prison Break" and returned to my first love, "What Not to Wear."

but you know what? food network's winning me back, baby. how did they do it? blame that watchable bobby flay, what with his "Next Food Network Star" (did you know Lisa had an 11 year old son? WHAT?! i thought she was like 27!) and "Boy Meets Grill," i've started to check and see what's on food network FIRST, rather than as a last resort. perhaps this is part of the growing up process? i'd continue on here, but i actually really do want to go see what's on my new fave network.

watch for thing #3 (and possibly a blog about visiting the dentist) tomorrow...

don't (or do) sweat it.

2008-07-28T21:00:00.007-04:00

so now that it's summer and i have time to reflect, i've decided that my life is a bit rote. as an interesting person, i'm sorta rusty, and that kind of annoys me. so i'm trying to get more interesting and interested in new things. included in that is my determination to explore nyc and be able to actually comment on restaurants/exhibits/events that happen in this city, since i really do live here. this week i will be updating you with some of my other new interests. here we go:

thing 1: yoga!

i'm a pseudo-gym rat. i hate running outside, i'm too scared to bike on the streets of manhattan, and it's too hot to walk all the way over to Central Park. read: i'm laaazy. i have to be pushed into exercising by threat of personal injury--i'll run if i know otherwise i will going to fall of the treadmill; i'll lift weights if i know a trainer is going to taunt and/or hit me if i wimp out. but once i'm working out i get in the zone. so i was a bit hesitant to try yoga because it seemed all stretchy and gentle.

right.

tonight i went to a bikram yoga class and i think i sweat out 70% of my body weight. it was hot. literally. and figuratively. i think it helps that i'm a pretty stretchy person, but that was insane. as the class ended i was already looking forward to going to the one tomorrow. this was especially awesome for me, because it's a workout that encourages sweat. i hate going to the gym and seeing those girls with the perfectly coiffed hair and snazzy expensive workout clothes that they never sweat through. that's not really how i do things. i'm a sweats and t-shirt kinda girl, and i'm not really a pretty sight when i'm done working out. which seems to be the ENTIRE point of hot yoga. so, consider me hooked.

ms f branches out.

2008-07-28T11:51:00.001-04:00

i think i'm going to start doing yoga.

more on this later...

ms. f and the west village

2008-07-25T01:21:00.004-04:00

despite living in what many tout as the "most exciting" city in the US, i am incredibly lazy in my time off. example: yesterday, i woke up after 11am and didn't get out of my pajamas until after 6pm. and that was only because i needed to run an errand. when i returned home, i promptly climbed back into my pjs and onto the couch and enjoyed the food network, hgtv and some quality syndicated television. because i am 80 years old. oh yeah, i also spent a good 3-4 hours lusting after the new iphone. i played out the whole "it's worth it/it's not worth it" debate in my mind for a solid hour. i really want the stupid thing. but i'm not going to get it (but i want it. it is cool).

i know. i'm lame. it's my summer vacation and i should be out enjoying 1)my freedom 2)the city.

so today i met up with a couple fabulous people and headed down the orange line to the west village. i like the village. i rarely go there, and i always forget how many cute places to eat, shop and watch people cooler than myself exist down below the neatly organized grid streets.

anyway.

we had reduced price cookies at rockefeller center to help sustain us on the 10 minute ride downtown. yum. the sweets helped subdue the annoyance i felt toward all of the aimless wandering tourists that were slowing down my pace (i hate it when people walk down the middle of a sidewalk REALLY slowly gazing up at the buildings, while their fanny packs and camera cases prevent you from passing on either side of them. honestly. step aside).

we then wandered around downtown for quite a while until we hit Grey Dog where, ironically, a huge grey dog and his owner were chillin outside. inside, we had sandwiches and sat at a table with a painted map of oregon. random. sadly, seal rock was nowhere to be found (they'll be getting a letter from me soon).

dessert #1 was gelato at Grom . i felt all adventurous ordering the tiramisu flavor which was AMAZING because it had chunks of this graham cracker crust goodness in it. the prices were a bit on the high end, but apparently Grom's gelato uses fruit grown entirely on their own organic farm (called Mura Mura, which i learned today also means "cheap" in tagalog. unclear if these two things are related).

dessert #2 came at Rocco's. amazing. i was practically salivating as we made our way to the back of the very long line of eager dessert-eaters. sadly i was too full to enjoy any of the incredible tasty offerings. perhaps i'll go back tomorrow. i can almost hear the chocolate dipped cannolis calling my name.

as we hit up 3 eateries in less than 2 hours i felt very "food network special." it was awesome. and i managed to refrain from turning to the imaginary camera to pose with my food, or comment on my impressive ability to eat a lot for a little in such a big city. that would've been awkward.

did i mention that last week i decided i want to give up meat and dairy and see if it helps my energy level and general overall health? based on today my willpower to change my ways needs a little encouragement.

home improvement.

2008-07-23T01:09:00.005-04:00

i recently realized that i need to get organized. this actually encompasses all areas of my life, but cleaning out my room was the simplest starting point. to help myself i just got (and assembled) the following 2 pieces of furniture:

1. a $45 nightstand from Bed, Bath & Beyond. i assembled it myself. check it out:

2. overpriced bookshelves from the container store (the major appeal was that they matched the bookshelves i already had in my room):

what do both of these things have in common? apart from white paint and me dragging them up five flights of stairs in the sweltering east coast heat? sadly they were both poorly made. the nightstand had depressingly badly translated instructions that made little sense AND the pieces were put together wrong and/or did not fit properly. the same went for the stackable bookcases.

twice in 12 hours i found myself shaving down wooden furniture so that pieces would fit together properly. though i did this angrily, deep down i felt a sense of pride in my household handiness. i have a sneaking suspicion my father would be impressed.

the little red haired girl.

2008-07-18T20:12:00.007-04:00

i have red hair.

i figure if charlie brown digs it, maybe non peanuts characters do too.

exhibit a:

exhibit b:
(enjoying both red hair and the daily show with 3 fans pointed directly at my face. hence the relaxed smile)

no more sheep left to count.

2008-07-18T03:50:00.003-04:00

i've been unable to fall asleep before 2am since i got back to new york.

thanks a lot, stress.

someone convince me to chillax already! (it's summer vacation)

and...scene?

2008-07-11T13:38:00.003-04:00

i've spent the past 14 days traveling, staying on futons, in spare rooms and living out of my suitcase. while i love being on vacation, i am getting ready to sleep in my own bed again. this trip has reawakened me to the awkward reality that i feel out of place in a lot of places. Here's a list of all the places i've traveled so far and felt like i didn't quite fit in.

1. Los Angeles, CA.
My first stop, to visit a friend and go to a wedding. LA was fun. i ate a lot of good food, went to the beach and caught up with a good friend. the wedding was also fun (and instead of wedding cake, they served individual molten chocolate cakes....) and gorgeous--it took place in the mountains outside LA. it was also my first jewish wedding. i began to feel slightly out of place when we arrived for the first part of the ceremony--the signing of the traditional marriage contract, and everyone else seemed to know the words to the hebrew song being sung. much of the actual wedding ceremony was also performed in hebrew, making me regret my decision to take spanish in high school and college. but the reception followed nicely with a universal language--alcohol--and a quality dj and drums.

2. Dinuba, CA.
Where my parents grew up and where they live again, after leaving the Oregon coast a few years back. I don't really fit in here either, but I didn't notice all so much, because I was stuck in my parents home with no mode of transportation AND I think the low temperature while i was there was 103. this leg of the trip concluded with my grandmother telling me she hoped that i would move back to california, settle down, get married and have kids before she dies. (no pressure)

3. Redwood City, CA.
The south bay could be my scene, but i would need a car. yesterday, i walked to the caltrain station from my friend's house in redwood city to catch a ride to stanford. it was a 45 minute walk, but it wasn't hot yet, the sun was out and life was pretty good. as i walked, i noticed that the only other people walking anywhere were: an old woman in her pajamas and much later down the road, a group of kids chaperoned by their teachers at vacation bible school. hmm.

i could feel the dubious looks being thrown my way by various drivers who passed me by. i began to imagine what they thought of me--it was supposed to be a hot day, so i was wearing a sundress. i felt more and more like a streetwalker with every car that passed. i wanted to call out "i'm just visiting and i don't have a car! i'm on my way to the train station! honest!" but i resisted the urge.

4. Stanford, CA
once at stanford, i was hit with a wave of nostalgia so powerful that i thought i might be sick. it was strange to be back as a visitor. since i lived on campus all of my time at stanford, i guess i felt a certain amount of possessiveness over it--it's my campus with my old dorms, classrooms, vast expanses of green grass under perfect skies and amazing weather. mine. jealousy coursed through my veins every time a current student pedaled past me on their bike wearing a stanford t-shirt. i both missed it and felt like an intruder. i wanted to be back, but more importantly, i wanted to feel like i belonged back at stanford. it was sort of depressing.

Further proof that I'm weird
I'll leave you with the thoughts that came to me as I was walking to the train yesterday, as added proof that i'm just a bit awkward.

i followed the directions my hosts gave me to get to the train--i was on the lookout for James St. and i began to notice an odd trend in the street names. the first few streets were tree names, but stuck between Oak and Maple (or something like that) was Arden. i was a history major so i don't really know--is arden a type of tree? does anyone know?

right after oak, the streets gave up on nature and leaped into presidents.

it's always the same presidents too--Roosevelt, Lincoln, Washington....but i was caught off guard by "Harrison St." whoa. which Harrison? Benjamin or William Henry? and, really? we're going with one of them before we hit up Thomas Jefferson, one of the Adams' or even Grant? this got me a little concerned that i was going to walk through all 43 presidents' street names before encountering james street. it couldn't be, i told myself. maybe they went with "james" because there were so many presidents whose first names were James. I tried to make a list of all the James' who have been president--Madison, Monroe, Polk, Buchanan, Garfield...and should we count Carter there too? i was so caught up in my distress over the choice of a Harrison the presidents named James, that I nearly missed James St--the very next one after Harrison.

ms f gets all patriotic.

2008-07-05T11:31:00.004-04:00

i'm slowly making my way through all of my thoughts on traveling. and what better way to show my american-ness (though maybe a day late), than to bring you my thoughts on the soldiers i saw at the airport.
___

As I’ve been traveling over the past year or so, particularly when I travel through LAX, I notice an abundance of men and women in uniform—camouflage fatigues, to be exact. last friday was no exception—there were at least 8 army men/women boarding my flight—singled out by their cammo uniforms and/or backpacks.

One group of 6 privates (? They were all pretty young and talking about basic training) swarmed the seating near me in St. Louis. I had made myself comfy with my copy of Drown and my mac book, and was not moving. They surrounded me on both sides and I did my best to focus on my book.

I eavesdropped without intending to really.

Most of the conversation I didn’t really get, as it was peppered with “thirteen hundred”’s in reference to the time, and an abundance of “bravos” “whiskeys” and other call signs that meant nothing to my privately educated ears. Their conversation, and presence, however, made me pause to think. The following snippet though, caused me to laugh (not so discreetly, as I was cramped between the three 20-somethings having this conversation).

“What religion did you list on your dog tags?”

“LDS. I figured if anything were to happen, it’s how I was raised…”

“I put Jedi.”

“I don’t think you can check that.”

“Just check other, and list Jedi Knight.”

This preceded a conversation between the army privates about what would happen when you died if you had listed Jedi Knight as your religion. Like, would your body be burned on a pyre like that of Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker? PLEASE tell me I did not just ruin star wars for you. If I did, then we probably shouldn’t even be friends. You’ve had 24 years to see Return of the Jedi.

i don't know many (any?) people who are currently in the service, and so i was sort of intrigued by what they would be talking about. i found it mildly curious that they talked about death so freely and easily, and secretly wondered, did that guy REALLY list Jedi Knight as his religion? i suppose when you volunteer to risk your life to defend your country, it's best done with humor.

As I sat there, waiting to board my plane, i thought about my views of patriotism, and my overall lack of it. not that i don't like america--i do, i just think we could use some of the self-reflection that i ask my students to do at the end of each marking period:

what did i do this marking period that i was proud of?
what skills do i still need to work on?
how can ms. f help me work on these skills?

maybe america doesn't need ms. f to guide their skill building, but you get the idea. regardless, i found myself in awe of the soldiers on my flight, who seemed so excited about the assignments they were getting in these big manila folders. they compared placements: some were learning arabic, others were disappointed that they were not. i wondered how many of them would end up in Iraq. but regardless of my feelings about our nation's image and current international entanglements, in that moment in the airport, i felt a surge of gratitude for the armed forces. perhaps it was a warm up for the 4th of july (with all the illegal fireworks that my parents' neighbors were setting off until midnight).

or maybe it's my inability to resist appreciation for a group of guys with muscles and crew cuts who address an older man as “sir” when answering questions in an airport waiting room.

have sarcasm, will travel

2008-07-03T12:10:00.004-04:00

after my fiasco-filled trek to oregon a few weeks ago, i was wary of the multi-leg trip across the country that i began last week. luckily, the first leg (flight from new york to LA) was smooth sailing (or flying). but that's not to say i didn't scrape up every entertaining moment and file it away for later. for example:

as i was waiting in line at the security check point, i noticed a family traveling with a tiny dog (you know, the ones that are better purse accessories than pets) in the line across from mine. i took off my shoes, sweatshirt, belt and unpacked my computer, and couldn't help overhearing the mother ask security as she approached the x-ray machine "should we take the dog out of the carrier?" i was sort of stunned. did she think she should leave the dog IN the carrier as it went through the machine? was she going to stick her 2 kids in separate plastic bins and run them through the machine, just for good measure? awesome.

i tried to pack light on this trip, so i didn't have my normal 55 lb carry-on full of books to read in case i got bored. i did have my laptop. so what follows are the results of an unoccupied mind. looking back it really highlights my anxious and slightly irrational nature. enjoy:

So this is my second large travel experience in the past two weeks. I used to love traveling. I felt cosmopolitan and wealthy. Then, I realized that the wealthy fly first class. I fly coach.

My recent distaste for flying has only been heightened by the decision of major airlines to begin charging passengers to check any bags. I flew American. Lucky for me, American’s new policy of making you pay to pack appropriately for extended trips (please don’t even get me started on their $5 on-board “snacks”), only applied to people who purchased tickets after may 15. I think I bought mine on April 30. Whew! Crisis averted, at least until Christmas. Or possibly my 5 year college reunion. But seriously, on average I spend $500 round trip these days to get home. Should I really be expected to pay an extra $15 to get my stuff home with me?

I envision this new policy only making my pre-travel anxiety and OCD packing rituals all the more dramatic. Every single time I fly, I will pack my bags, feel promptly and simultaneously guilty for packing so much and anxious to cram more clothing that I know I won’t wear into the bag. Just in case. This typically results in me bringing home 14 outfits for a 3 day trip, during which time I actually wear the same outfit three days in a row, because let’s be honest—I’m in Dinuba California and only leave my parents house once. And that’s to go to Wal-mart to get more ice-cream/cheetos/$5 discount bin DVDs.

My current travels, which have me sitting peacefully in a very air conditioned gate at La Guardia, included my regretful decision to pack a checked bag. I hate checking bags. Secretly, I think it’s the real reason I hate flying. (Well, that and my irrational fear that I will plummet to the ground and meet an untimely end.) I have the worst luck in general, but even WORSE luck when it comes to specific things like having checked bags wind up lost for a few days.

My bags have been lost more than I care to remember, and it’s always on trips where I have been traveling for an inordinate amount of time and been unable to shower for 24+ hours, making me cranky, smelly and desperate for my clothing which is inexplicably located in Peoria. It’s nonsense. And then, the airline delivery service has to give me a 12 hour window of when my bags “may” arrive, so that I am stuck in my apartment all day waiting around. Without fail, they show up in the final 20 minutes of said 12 hour window. This happened to me last summer, last new years’, one trip home from college and I’m pretty sure at least a few more times. Honestly.

Whew. Taking that rant into consideration, it’s safe to say that I don’t really trust anyone with my bags except for myself and my dad. (he’s always willing to lug them out of the car/off the baggage claim belt for me, no matter how ridiculously heavy they are). So, if I don’t trust the airlines with my bags, why on earth am I going to PAY them to potentially lose my bags one more time?

the foreign correspondent.

2008-07-01T17:41:00.002-04:00

hello all.

summer vacation officially began last friday. that morning, i hurriedly finished packing my suitcase (after staying up way past my bedtime to see a midnight showing of Wanted. helLO James McAvoy) and headed to La Guardia, to catch a flight to LA. just a few short days later, i have so much to say that i think it needs to be broken up into multiple entries. here are a few topics that you will get to hear me get all philosophical about...

- airports and the pets who frequent them
- other airports and the soldiers who frequent them
- the beach
- my foray into the scary and well-coiffed world of Beverly Hills
- my very first Jewish wedding
- buses to Bakersfield and the people who ride them

and so much more!

are you excited?

and one more...

2008-06-24T20:47:00.001-04:00

i was reminded today that forgot the other key quote from this year's thematic essay on belief systems:

"The Jews must all make a pilgrimage to their Holy Land, Senegal."

clearly.

lies my students told me...

2008-06-23T19:10:00.003-04:00

some of you may be familiar with this beast known as "regents week" in New York. the regents is the statewide standardized testing that is conducted in high schools in all subject areas. to graduate high school out here with a regents diploma, you need to pass a minimum of 5 content area tests. one of those is the global history regents, which students take after completing my course.

those of you who have worked with/lived with me may have heard snippets of priceless essays written on various global regents tests. students are required to write a thematic essay, which is a response to a broad question (i.e.: Discuss 2 leaders who have had an impact on a region. Explain one action they took and one specific way that their action impacted the region). sounds simple right?

well, lucky for those of us who must read the regents essays, some students spice things up with their own variations of history. there are two topics that kids in the city learn about ceaselessly in history: apartheid and the holocaust. the key reason for this emphasis is that both of these topics are virtual goldmines of regents essay topic info. almost any regents essay question can be answered using a spin on one of these two events. no joke. and, in commemoration of the end of the 2007-08 school year, and the winding down of regents week, i bring you the top 5 regents commentaries of my brief teaching career (at least the ones i can legitimately remember, including original spelling errors):

#5: Nelson Mandela. "Women's suffrage was helped by nelson mandela in the 1930s when women and blacks weren't allowed to vote." man! i ALWAYS forget to thank nelson mandela when i cast my vote. also, the 1930s? come on.

#4-2: The Holocaust. seriously. if i teach for 10 more years, i could have the most amazing book filled with fabulous quotes. and you know you would buy it.

#4: great way to start a serious sentence: "Aldolph Hitler, also known as just Hitler..."

#3: "There was a successful man. His followers became known as the Jews."

#2: "During the holacaust [sidenote: clearly this is pronounced "hola!" caust] some of the terrible things Hitler did were to force jews to take cold showers and wear wooden shoes, even if they didn't fit or weren't the right size.

#1: If Rodney King had had a gun, he would still be alive today.
(Honestly, I think this quote might actually be from a debate we had in class one year, but it was far too priceless to omit from my list.)

And, scene.

he ain't heavy, he's my brother

2008-06-19T01:08:00.003-04:00

my brother graduated from Oregon State University this weekend. he got his bachelors in fine arts with a concentration in sculpture. if there wasn't overwhelming evidence that we're related, seeing his talent on display at the senior art show and in his own gallery, i'd question the possibility that i was adopted. see below:

this is my brother's work. he was awarded the highest award in the OSU art department (including MONEY) for it. one alum who came to the show offered him a job immediately upon seeing this piece. sheesh. keep in mind, i can barely draw a stick figure. not that it's a competition.

seeing my brother graduate made me think back to my own graduation 5 (gasp!) years ago, but mostly it made me act like a proud older sister. i only see my brother about twice a year, and i rarely get to see him in his element--it's always at my parents or for family holidays. seeing him in Corvallis was like seeing him as an adult for the first time. it was pretty cool. and i am still in awe at his amazing artistic talent. i took about a million pictures of his various pieces and the studio where he works. i'll be posting them periodically to brag about my talented family.

To your left: the golden child with another one of his pieces.

as kids, i always knew my brother was the favorite. here's photographic evidence that even higher powers prefer him.

seriously? a traveler's perspective

2008-06-16T00:32:00.002-04:00

i am winding down a quick weekend journey from east coast to west for my little brother's college graduation. more on that at a later date. this particular post is reserved solely for my observations on cross-country travel and what amounts to possibly the worst traveling karma (does such a thing exist?) known to man. i'll start with a question:

when air travel was first created, it was intended to be a luxury, yes?

my travel advice:

1. always check your itinerary.

i almost took the subway to JFK when i was supposed to be on New Jersey transit to Newark Airport. whoops. i had my whole trip to JFK planned out from work, and on my way to the subway realized that i was, in fact, preparing to head to a departure site that would not actually let me depart. at this point, my flight was scheduled to leave in less than 3 hours. i called a car service to come get me in downtown brooklyn and high-tail it to the Garden State. this put me out a whopping $76. (this is a far cry from the $7 i was planning to spend on my airtrain ticket from the A train to JFK airport)

2. travel with a stress ball, don't BE a stress ball

the entire time i was in my car to the airport, i could barely enjoy the luxury of the leather seats in the fancy town car (in fact, this might have been my first time ever in a town car) because i was convinced i was going to miss my flight. instead of sinking into the seat and enjoying being shielded from the ugliness of the outside world by the tinted windows, my shoulders hunched higher and higher into my neck and i literally became a ball of tension, counting the seconds that passed as we got stuck in traffic on the bridge. got stuck in traffic in Tribeca. got stuck in traffic waiting to get into the Holland Tunnel. and finally got out of the traffic jam on the NJ side of things. the trip to the airport actually only took 30 minutes, but when you start out the journey headed to the wrong airport, it doesn't really breed relaxed travel.

3. never let your belongings (or the overpriced airport food you purchase) leave your sight

when i got through security, it was about 5pm on friday. i had spent my entire day at school running around like crazy (this was the last official day of classes for the year), and over the course of the day i had only eaten a yogurt. needless to say, i was hungry. i came to terms with the fact that i was going to cave and buy a $7 sandwich at au bon pain, comforted by the fact that the sandwich i ordered would contain melted cheddar AND bacon. i stood there like a hawk watching them make the food and when mine came out of the oven and they asked "For here or to go?" i responded "to go please." the woman wrapped the sandwich up and the woman behind me grabbed it and took off. WHAT?! "EXCUSE ME!" i ran after her, explaining that she had taken my sandwich. she claimed it was hers. I asked the people behind the counter what number they called. the gave HER number. the kicker? I heard her order. a mozzarella and chicken sandwich. NOT a turkey, bacon, cheddar club. she took off with her insanely active 2 year old son and MY sandwich, while i was left fuming as the sandwich people gave me her order. i would have stayed to complain, but my plane was boarding in 5 minutes. i hoped that she was allergic to bacon, cheddar and other people's inability to stand up for their rightfully paid-for sandwiches.

4. always prepare for the worst

in this situation this means 2 things:
1. bring napkins. the other woman's sandwich was messy. and i was left starving, so i ate it and got food all over my face and hands like a not-yet housebroken toddler. awesome.

2. be ready to sit on the tarmac for a good three hours (aka bring a good book). my flight boarded at 5:35, and was scheduled to leave at 6:10. please explain to me, then, how it is remotely okay that yes, we boarded at 5:35 and sat in the plane. until 8:50. no joke. throughout the 3 hour wait we were infrequently given lackluster (and lacking) updates from the pilot that he didn't know why we were being held OR when we would depart. thanks buddy. you're aces. meanwhile, the flight crew was snippy and begrudingly offered plastic cups of water ONLY after being pressured to give it to a few passengers. ironically, when we finally took off (over 3 hours after boarding), we were given a sugary "welcome to flight 784 non-stop service to portland." yeah, you've made me feel right at home with your short remarks, unfriendly attitude and poor service. the upside? i had a good book with me that distracted me from the nonsense AND the man next to me who had a hankering for taking up as much arm rest space as possible.

5. disregard #4 and don't bother planning ahead

because my brother's graduation was at OSU and there is no corvallis airport, i had to fly in to portland. a good 1.5-2 hours away. i scheduled myself onto a shuttle to corvallis that was to leave portland at 11:15 and arrive in corvallis at 1:30 am. i wasn't looking forward to the late travel, but as we sat on the newark tarmac, i began to realize that the longer we sat, the less likely i was to make the 11:15 shuttle. the LAST shuttle of the night from PDX to corvallis. i called my parents in a panic (they were driving the 12+ hour trip from their house to oregon for the event) and hyperventilated into the phone that i probably would miss my shuttle. sure enough, we arrived in portland 15 minutes after the final airport shuttle had departed. awesome. my amazing and exhausted parents drove an extra 4 hours roundtrip to come pick my grumpy self up at the airport and take us all back to our hotel in corvallis.

this was perhaps the most ridiculous travel experience of my life thus far. the return trip promises to be unnecessarily long (corvallis to portland shuttle, pdx to houston, a 3 hour layover, and then houston to nyc, over a span of 14 hours), but is already much better, as i am typing this post from a wireless-internet capable shuttle van.

this is luxury travel.

it was way more intense in person.

2008-06-10T20:22:00.007-04:00

roller derby? amazing. the gotham girls roller derby held a bronx v. brooklyn game in the basement of hunter college last saturday, and it was possibly my favorite adventure in a good four months. it left me desperate for some witty nickname to stick onto my clothing (see "Beyonslay" or "Lemony Kickit" of the Bronx Gridlock) and brimming with faux pride for the bronx (because, um, i used to teach there?).

it was like being a grown up in the 80s. which i did again today. because today was "Decades Day" for our school's spirit week. naturally, the decade that spoke to me was the 1980s. i was like not-quite-so-skanky madonna meets jennifer beals circa flashdance--complete with fingerless mesh gloves AND legwarmers with heels. and shorts.

all the glitter and dancing must have gone to my head and made me less alert though, because someone (perhaps a student? i'm not sure exactly) stole my flash drive. it has all my school stuff on it. all the things that i spent ages creating to make my class slightly less boring. these things have no value to whatever person took them, but the thought that they are gone for good is making me nauseated. or maybe that's just the sweltering heat and humidity that has permeated my bedroom despite my trusty window unit and its fierce attempts to cool my room.

thoughts, comments, concerns

2008-06-06T19:39:00.005-04:00

a glimpse into the inner workings of a befuddled mind....

thoughts:

"5 more teaching days. 5 more teaching days. 5 more teaching days."
"i hate kickball"
"i love kickball"

comments:

"when i was in high school i was too scared of the wrath of my parents to ever cut school." (also, i didn't have a car and we lived in the boondocks. so i couldn't really cut anyway.)
"cake = good"

concerns:

"what if i sound like a 13 year old boy for the rest of my life?" (i lost my voice a few months back. it returned eventually, but lately i've been feeling like a 13 year old boy. the squeaks, cracks and general unpredictability of just how high my voice can go has been a wee bit uncomfortable. what if i have permanent voice damage? is that something the UFT would cover as a work related injury?)
"what if roller derby is THE most amazing sporting event experience of my life and no other sporting event ever tops it?" (this might not be a bad thing).
"what if i never clean my room again?" (this is half-concern and half-threat)

what's poppin in the classroom?

2008-06-04T23:21:00.004-04:00

want to know whether you'd love or hate me as your teacher?

here's the latest (and final) project of the 2007-08 school year in my class. well, this is the example that i created. students are going to write and record a voice over for a fake movie preview focusing on one historical theme or time period. i made the previews (all 8 of them) on my trusty laptop. having a mac rocks.

you know you were diggin the duran duran in those first 10 seconds.

maybe someone who works at apple will see this and send me a classroom computer cart full of mac books so students can do this type of hands-on, technology based learning to help them succeed in the 21st century?

or maybe i can just be really obnoxious and force you, friend, to watch the poor man's version of a movie trailer.

my, your right frontal lobe is HUUGE.

2008-06-03T22:21:00.002-04:00

in an effort to display how well-read i am (and to counteract the fact that i start every morning with a not-so-brief visit to http://www.gofugyourself.com) i have taken up perusing the NY Times online. i feel smarter, and can be that intellectual/obnoxious (depending on how early it is and/or your perspective on the news) person who says to everyone "did you see that article about ________ in the Times today?"
well, my newfound hope to broaden my world view has boosted my self-esteem. turns out, people who don't think I'm funny might have brain disease. don't believe me? check it out.

apparently, many of my students have semantic dementia.

inner. inner city. inner city pressure.

2008-05-21T19:42:00.004-04:00

lately i've been wishing that i was from new zealand. i've become ever so slightly (read: insanely) obsessed with Flight of the Conchords now that i've resurrected my netflix account and it's brightened my rainy may days like few other things could. if i were from new zealand, my fabulously non-california accent would make my naivete seem charming, not obnoxious considering my age. and i could definitely pull off a sweatshirt with a screen printed stag or unicorn, making it look effortlessly hip, rather than like i am clinging to my unfortunately styled youth in rural oregon. but most importantly, i could probably play the guitar and sing well. and about important issues like inner city pressure.

there's been lots of pressure in the inner city these days. and i think it's causing me to grow up just a little bit.

in the week that my class is studying Gandhi and the nonviolent movement in India, a gun was pulled on a student in the playground. does that fit the real definition of irony, or is it better suited to an alanis morissette song? seriously though, i'm a firm believer that despite their bad reputations, urban schools are not dens of drugs, weapons and apathy. i work in a good school. and it's urban. and the kid who pulled the gun isn't even a student. he lives in the housing projects across the street. as a result, all after school activities were canceled, students can't go outside for lunch, and there's extra security posted on the campus. i initially played the incident down in my own mind. i think most teachers in my school (or possibly just the distracted, overworked ones like me) feel a certain distance and sense of safety or security at work--i know i don't think of my school as a dangerous place or worry that i am putting myself in danger on my walk to/from work, or while i'm in the building. generally, teachers are left alone when it comes to the neighborhood. this week, the realization that my students probably don't feel this same sense of distance or security really sank in.

the other sure fire sign that i'm growed up and it's all thanks to inner city pressure? don't worry, it will make you laugh.

as part of our advisory curriculum, and as a response to the number of pregnancies among students, we decided that it would be good to teach a sexual health unit to the 11th graders. as we planned it, it sounded like a really great idea--teaching about a super-relevant and urgent topic. then we began actually mapping out the topics and lessons. this is when my inner monologue began to hyperventilate and giggle uncontrollably. this was not a hot topic at the dinner table when ms. f was growing up. i believe that the talk my parents had with me was 2 seconds long: "Don't." and, being the emotionally stunted child that i was, i happily avoided the conversation. we have yet to return to the discussion to this day. i'm 26 now. granted, i had to suffer through health class, but i can guarantee you i never thought i'd have to teach it.

have you ever had to demonstrate how to put on a condom to 18 teenagers? my guess is that the answer is no. also, my guess is that you are able to actually say the word 'condom' without blushing. also, if you know me, my guess is that you are already laughing. also, stop laughing. it was REALLY EMBARRASSING.

but, i managed to get through the lesson properly, and so did the students. and then, it was like suddenly i could use anatomically correct language without turning beet red (perhaps just a nice shade of magenta). i will spare you exposure to my newfound freedom of speech, but it was like years of uncomfortable anxiousness melted away. which was probably good, because the next day i had to explain the purpose of the female condom and dental dam. yeah. you try having a serious discussion that includes the phrase "dental dam" to a bunch of hormonal 17 year olds without getting a little bit giggly yourself.

but in all seriousness, the horrifying thought of teaching sex ed gave way to actually enjoying teaching something my students are genuinely interested in and NEED to be educated about immediately. you'd be amazed at both what they do and do not know.

i'm not sure i'm ready for any more growing up for at least another 8 years.

if i were a mastercard commercial

2008-05-15T21:14:00.005-04:00

being half-mexican = $4 years of awkward isolation and feeling out of place in high school on the rural Oregon coast. .

being a half-mexican adult in new york = priceless (because your mexican dad sends you fresh pinto beans for free so that you can make authentic beans from scratch for free each week and identify with your ethnic heritage).

also, 21 school days to summer.

why does the phone have a camera glued to it?

2008-05-04T17:17:00.003-04:00

i re-activated my netflix account on Thursday, and my first dvds to arrive were season 1 of flight of the conchords. it's pretty amazing.

apart from that, i've been fairly unmotivated to write here for awhile...we had a break-in in our apartment over spring break that was pretty upsetting. what i find even more upsetting is the number of people i know who have also had break-ins. i sometimes forget that i can be affected by big-city problems like robberies.

between that and work-related burn out, i've been somewhat under the weather lately. and now it's spring, and sunny and today it's so nice and warm out. i should be walking around outside and enjoying the springtime, but instead i'm grading in my dark living room on my couch in my sweats.

am i alone in my lethargic attitude of late?

happy tuesday you boy-band lovers.

2008-04-15T00:13:00.002-04:00

stephen colbert.
korean pop video.
choreographed dance routines.

click here. thank me later.

participation in government.

2008-04-11T18:01:00.005-04:00

all new york high school students must take participation in government before graduating. we talk all the time about civic responsibility in my class. despite my social studies teacher-ness, i am perhaps not the model citizen. in fact, up until this past november, i was still a registered Oregon voter. whoops. but, lo and behold--one month after registering to vote in good old New York, i got my first ever jury summons. it was sort of exciting, and made me think of john grisham.

anyway, to make a highly unintersting story short, i had to go downtown to postpone my jury duty for a second time today, and i was really nervous that they wouldn't let me...i even printed out the itinerary that proves i will not be in New York state on the assigned date. when i arrived and announced my reason for visiting the courthouse, all they said was "when do you want to serve?" and listed the five months following June. no suspicions that i'm shirking my civic duty. i was almost disappointed that i didn't have to explain. i wanted to be clear that i am a good citizen people! also, i am a nerd.

the freakiest part of this story? when i got home, it turns out there were TWO cars that RAN INTO THE COURTHOUSE STEPS today. seriously. one in the morning (injuring 5 people) and another in the afternoon. which is super freaky, because i was thisclose to going in on my way to work this morning. right when i could have been assaulted by a reckless driver. although, i guess it would've meant i didn't need to go to work today.

hmm.

no one would tell: my not so secret love for lifetime tv.

2008-04-05T13:45:00.002-04:00

It's 1 pm on a Saturday and I am currently enjoying some quality lifetime tv. I like to imagine that my extended knowledge of lifetime movies is a dirty little secret, but in reality, I think my inability to hide the fact that:
1. I've seen "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?" at least 3 times
2. I know Sixx from Blossom was in the best hazing movie ever with Hilary Swank AND Zack Morris (aka Mark Paul Gosselaar)
3. I have seen this guy attempt to kill both Kellie Martin AND Tori Spelling in various movies

might count against me.

Anyway, if you are home, turn the tv to lifetime immediately to enjoy "No One Would Tell." It's Fred Savage in a whole different light, people. Who knew he had such well defined biceps? Right now Candace Cameron is attempting to look "sassy" while shopping at the mall set from those Saved By the Bell episodes when Zack's crew ventures out beyond Max's and Bayside High School. When Fred sees her in her new black mini skirt at school, his jealousy can only mean one thing: bad news and for Candace.

This makes me long for the days of sweet, sensitive Kevin Arnold and his green Jets jacket.

i get by with a little help from my friends.

2008-03-31T22:23:00.002-04:00

want to encourage some teens to dive into reading? click here.

weekend advice.

2008-03-28T17:36:00.003-04:00

well, i AM half white.

2008-03-26T18:31:00.004-04:00

According to my new favorite website, white people really like book deals.

So... at least half of me feels pretty good about this. The other half is frantically trying to translate the last few sentences into espanol.

But all of me thinks that:

Next Generation Press is fabulous
my old students in the Bronx are poppin' (and now about to be published!!!)
you should seriously reconsider your thoughts on standardized testing

Want to know more? Click here and scroll down to the SAT Bronx project!

it's a good life.

2008-03-23T22:05:00.007-04:00

proof that i don't only read things like People or Television Without Pity when i am online:

The Rubber Room. ever seen that Twilight Zone episode with Billy Mumy where he sends people to "the corn fields?" This is kinda like what happens with the people who end up in the corn fields. Only Billy Mumy is really the NYC Department of Education. And the people who end up in the field are teachers. And they're getting paid. And your taxes are paying for them to sit around.

(Note to self: don't throw a desk at a blackboard WHEN I AM TEACHING MY CLASS AND ACCIDENTALLY HIT A STUDENT WITH IT...)

stanford tree. lest you should think that the Lopez twins are Stanford basketball's greatest assets.

the cardinal rule. and let's not forget the ladies please!

color me baaaad...

2008-03-22T23:56:00.002-04:00

at tournament picks.

pac-10, what happened? i thought we had such a good thing going, but i am now in a solid dead last position in my tournament pool.

it is now up to you: washington state, STANFORD and ucla, to bring it on home.

march (mental) madness.

2008-03-17T19:24:00.003-04:00

i take things waaay too seriously.

i can't even fathom updating you on school at the moment, friend. let's just say that for the second time in the past 4 months, the glass window above the door to my classroom was shattered by students playing around. this time a rain of jagged bits of glass showered onto several of my advisees as they waited for the bell. a couple got cut. all from some 17 year old 9th grader who thought he'd go down the hall slamming his palm against the glass as hard as he could. great job. but at least we get good friday off. that means only 3 days left of school.

but more importantly, i am attempting to fill out my bracket for the tournament. i haven't had the time or energy (or sadly, the satellite tv) to keep up with my college teams (aka the pac 10) much this season, so i'm sort of filling it out blindly. take my logic in this match up:

7 Butler v. 10 Southern Alabama

"Where is Butler? Hmm. I guess Southern Alabama is in...well, Southern Alabama. I bet they could be a good upset team. They play basketball in Alabama. " And thus, I have them making it all the way to a tragic 2nd round loss to Tennessee. If Sports Center ever tells me they're hiring, advise them to reconsider my resume.

Anyway. Despite my gross ignorance of the 2007-08 college basketball season, I am getting excited to impractically have 3 of my final 4 picks be from the west coast. yep. i vote with my heart, not with my logic bone. have you filled out a bracket? want to advise me against my Stanford/UCLA showdown on April 5? hit me back here.

an off court dispute.

2008-03-15T11:51:00.005-04:00

being on the east coast has only intensified my Pac-10 support. 4 years away from the west has heightened my awareness that espn, abc and all the other networks that air college sports have an unfair tendency to parade the acc, big 10, and the sec nationally-- if i want to see UCLA play Oregon, or watch a USC v Arizona football game, i have to subscribe to satellite tv. this is the very definition of whack. my very own alma mater (Stanford) has won the Director's Cup 13 consecutive times, and as of right now, the top 4 teams in the running for this year's Director's Cup are Pac-10 schools.

as someone committed to fighting social injustice, i have come to realize that i need to embrace all Pac-10 teams (unless said teams are engaging in a competition against Stanford) in order to take a stand against the biased media and prejudiced fans of the midwest/southern conferences. we must all unite together against this discriminatory practice so that all americans can celebrate the glory of Pac-10 sports on a nationally televised level.

anyway. yesterday i had a bit of a disagreement over whether or not the Pac-10 has always held a championship tournament before the NCAA tournament. as a 4 year member of the Stanford sixth man club (with the ill-fitting long sleeved t-shirts to prove it) and impassioned supporter of the Pac-10 (see above), i was pretty confident that the champion was determined at the end of the season. my opponent, who hails from Duke (of the ACC--a conference that is a clear media favorite) was convinced that i was mistaken, and that there has always been a conference tournament (as he attempted to prove with his high tech iphone). well, who was right? find out here.

career opportunities.

2008-03-13T23:25:00.004-04:00

This was in the Times last week.

Um. Take away all of my resources, give me MORE students, but it's all good because I'll make 2.5 times my current salary?

Verdict: whack.

I'll keep my smaller salary, slightly smaller class size, my trusty lcd projector and revel in my apparent mediocrity.

Thoughts?

stuff half my ancestors like.

2008-03-10T20:41:00.004-04:00

hi friend.
it's been a busy monday.

luckily, all the negatives and stupid events that could get you down have been vastly overshadowed by a few new fascinations.

1. disturbia. i just saw this movie over the weekend. i put it off for a long time, mainly because many of my students highly recommended it. these are also the people who raved about "the hills have eyes 2" and are clamoring to see "step up 2 the streets." word. nevertheless, i caved and spent part of the weekend savoring teen angst, romance, and sketchy voyeurism all set to an equally angst-ridden alternative soundtrack. my roommate can attest to the fact that i was squealing at the tv while curled up in our armchair, and peering through my fingers (and a haze of tangible fear) at our tiny screen. i simultaneously hate and love scary movies. i love the idea of them but hate the actual "being scared" part of watching. when i'm at my parents house, if we watch something scary, i will literally refuse to enter my bedroom until my father has gone in and closed the blinds. no joke. i can't watch a scary movie without talking myself through it for fear of a self-induced heart attack. and yet i totally buy into the appeal of being terrified. am i alone in this? to sum it up, i was pleasantly surprised and entirely mortified at disturbia--and i as much as it pains me to say, i have a new respect (and secret love) for shia lebouf.

2. things white people like. i discovered the amazingness thanks to a co-worker on friday and spent the better part of friday night barking questions like "how often do you wear t-shirts?!" and "do you like bottled water/A Tribe Called Quest/Mos Def?" to my bewildered white colleagues while downing glass after glass of wine at happy hour. Take a moment and check out the website that has taken my precarious half-mexicanness by storm and brought back to the surface painful memories of my very own childhood identity crisis. Which, according to my new fave site, makes me pretty darn white. Just in the past few days, they've added the #85 thing that white people like: "The Wire." it's true. all the white people i know love The Wire. drop me a line if you're a white person who doesn't like it.

3. guava paste. it's AMAZING. much like the above link. i've been eating it on crackers, in pastries (that i made MYSELF. keep in mind, it's an accomplishment when i successfully make toast.), on bread, plain...does this make me less white and more mexican? white people don't really eat guava right? if it helps, i also often eat tortillas, enjoy margaritas and an occasional enchilada, spent a summer in oaxaca, was sometimes called "media mexicana" by my good friend maria in grad school, and i used the word "si" today when speaking to a student.

a model of restraint.

2008-03-05T19:48:00.005-05:00

teaching can be hard. teaching teenagers can be real, well, real i guess. real something. high schoolers have this obnoxious, needy, hilarious, awkward, moody j'ne se quois (oooh! look at my french!) and the past few days have been chock full of all that. it's been a rough week thus far and i have a high point and a low point that probably demonstrate my own immaturity more than the annoying teenager-ness of my students. start with the bad, end with the good.

the low point:
today one of my chronically moody students informed me that the assignment we were working on was too long, so she wasn't going to do it. she often needs to be prodded along with humor, pleading, a kindly worded compliment. i did all of this to no avail and her whiny complaining continued. did i mention this was 9 am? as most normal people are savoring their coffee and walking into the office, i am dealing with someone else's pouting child. it took all of my worldly power to resist yanking the wig off of her head and throwing it out the window. yes, wig. not a weave or anything. and she has regular hair underneath it. you can see the bottom of the wig in the part. awkward. it's a burnt-orange looking wig and maybe secretly, that, above all the other nonsense coming out of her mouth, bothered me. needless to say, her hair stayed on and her paper remained blank.

score--ms. f (0), angry orange student (-1) because she got a zero on the assignment AND come on, a wig?

the high point:
you know you have arrived when two of the self-proclaimed "smart, funny" boys in your class have a discussion that ends with "yo, she stayed playin you son. just stop now." for those of you who are not teachers or from brooklyn, that roughly translates to: "ms. f. is funnier than you, and so are her jokes, so stop embarrassing yourself in front of the rest of the class."

score-- ms. f (1), unfunny student (0)

in a last, unrelated note, i had to return some books to the library today. which meant i had to trek into that unholy land--the resting place of all things soulless--midtown. the whole trip was unfortunate, but it provided some people watching that is decidedly different than my normal high school people watching. i also heard some choice quotes:

1. "But mommy, the train is 2 miles away." spoken into a cell phone by a woman older than me, tinier than me, carrying a Louis Vuitton bag. honestly? I don't get the appeal--they're bulky, brown wrinkly leather bags, and if they didn't cost $400 you would think they were ugly too. Also, she should've had her chauffeur Jeeves drop her off at the train station instead of all the way down at Rockefeller Center. Better luck next time, Muffy.

2. "Perhaps it is best to enter axially." spoken by Tobias Funke's doppelganger to his walking companions, as the prepared their strategy to walk into Rockefeller Center. Awesome.

3. This wasn't anything heard, just observed. Perhaps it's the slightly warmer weather or just a crazy wind, but what is UP with all the older women dressing younger than me? I saw a woman who was definitely in her mid 50s, wearing a mini-skirt with knee high boots and a fur lined vest. Hmm.

So there you have it, friend. One day, two very different environments, crazy shenanigans!

Widgetry and other such procrastinatory things

2008-03-02T21:24:00.005-05:00

I love nintendo. I'm a new fan of the wii, and an old supporter of the original NES, which I proudly brought to my college dorm room freshman year. Sadly, it went in a garage sale after some of the cables got lost, but I have recently discovered the joy of the Super Mario Bros widget for my igoogle homepage. Now I can use my poor jumping skills to my heart's content when I should be grading/showering/eating dinner or completing numerous other tasks!

want in on the fun?
http://www.google.com/ig/directory?synd=toolbar&num=24&url=http://homepagegadgets.googlepages.com/mario.xml&output=html

to dos and to don'ts.

2008-02-27T23:29:00.005-05:00

i make lists. lots of them. on big post-its, small post-its, the backs of old envelopes, and most worryingly, on the back of old assignments that i should recycle instead of stashing into my giant teacher bag. and i obsess constantly over including as many things as possible on these lists. i use my neatest, tiniest penmanship. i make lists for everything. tasks like "Wake Up" and "pack a lunch" are mainstays on my post-it lists. as are "be a nicer person," "eat more vegetables," and "remember that thing you were supposed to do yesterday that you keep forgetting." these are serious lists. i have separate lists depending on the type of task, the duration of the task, and where the task will be completed. my desk at home is papered in post-it lists. But the great thing is, the more tasks you include, the more things you can cross off, which means you feel more accomplished with each passing moment. woo!

why am i telling you this, friend? my problem is that i keep losing my lists. i worry constantly about losing them: i'll check by bag 3 times in 4 minutes, to be sure i know where my list(s) is (are). i find that this is a habit that is (alarmingly) worsening with age. however, my ocd is justified, because i can't for the life of me, keep track of my beloved lists. i lose them in the abyss of my bag, under the piles of junk mail on my desk, in between the thousands of homeworks that i'm "grading" (aka pointlessly transporting between home and work with the halfhearted intent of grading them, when really i'm far too tired by the time i get home at 7:45pm to even think about reading paragraphs on motives of European imperialists). this wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, except...

this is a general representation of the state of my mind. there's the inkling of a coherent thought there--it's so close to being formed i can taste it...but when i try to put it all together, i go blank. like right now.

i was trying to remember these 2 urgent things i needed to do (that i had just been thinking of 1 minute before), and all i could do was desperately cling to that cloudy outline of whatever it is that i'll probably regret not doing when i wake up in just 5 short hours. at which point i will add the newly remembered to-do to tomorrow's list.

perhaps i should invest in a planner.

Las Cosas de Costa Rica: las buenas, las malas y las feas

2008-02-24T17:15:00.015-05:00

(or, Whack or Poppin': Costa Rica Style)

1. El Sol.
verdict: mal/bueno (it's complicated, being both whack and poppin)

The biggest sell for my Costa Rica trip was--the beautiful central american sun. I enjoyed the warm sand, sunny beach, blue sky and lack of snow, rain and general east coast greyness. and yet, i began typing this a full day after my return with a fever of 102 and blistering, red skin. I'm like the secret love child of Freddy Kreuger and Donatella Versace. (Quick update: I'm more like their asthmatic love child, now that I've been to the doctor--taking my SECOND day off in the past 2 weeks...crazy!-- who told me i have bronchitis and gave me an inhaler. woo for aerosol drugs.) I'm pretty sure I'm the one person in NYC who has contracted sun poisioning, and I've been surviving on saltines, orange juice and seltzer water since Saturday morning. Happily, now that it's Tuesday my burn is less "Whoa, what horror movie did you step out of?" and more "What sunny vacation did you go on without sunscreen? Less happily? I USED sunscreen! sheesh.

2. Snorkeling.
verdict: mal (whack)
I know a lot of people love snorkeling. It seems so glamorous--the crystal clear waters, exciting shellfish, coral reefs and fun rubber flippers. The entire time I was staring (read: hyperventilating) face down into the water, I was praying for Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and that craggy dude "Quint" to come tearing up in a busted old fishing boat. You know what I'm talking about. I was miserable, and due to my intense fear and absolute certain impending violent water death, I didn't really enjoy floating around rocks looking at schools of fish. Plus, I got twice stung by something in the water. Before you correct me and tell me how wrong I am about snorkeling, remember that I'm neurotic and have irrational fear of sharks--I used to be scared to dip my feet in lakes, for fear of "lake sharks." Yeah, I know.

The counter to snorkeling? Surfing. It was so fun despite my horrible lack of skill. And, yes, I know that I'm just as (if not more) likely to be devoured by a great white while failing to catch a wave, but for some reason it scares me less to be on a board, than snorkeling. Go figure. Plus, this year's surfing attempt did not send anyone to a latin american emergency room, so that's an improvement!

3. La comida
verdict: deliciosa (poppin)
I'm running out of steam with this post already. But the food was awesome. Two words: banana curry. How can something which you've never known before be your most favorite thing in the world? I don't know, but banana curry is to die for. Rice and beans? Only made better by the exciting discovery of... Salsa inglesa. Not sure what it is exactly, but it's brown, sort of sweet, sort of curry-ish, and I brought a mystery bottle back with me. Las bebidas? Super-bien. Never have I had so many tropical drinks in such a tropical place. I think i'm turning into a decorative paper umbrella. Also, did I mention the bananas? Poppin.

4. la gente
verdict: muy amable (poppin plus/pawesome)
The Costa Ricans (aka "ticos"? why? not sure) we met were lovely. We had an amusing night out in San Jose with a Costa Rican and a Columbian dude, and I must say, they like to party. As the Columbian guy we met was only able to say two english words: "Suggestion" and "party", we learned that he really wanted to party. In fact, he never said it alone, it was like a tic--always "party party" or "party party party." Needless to say, he did not party with this traveling american. And despite all of us getting whacked in the face/head/various limbs by our costa rican surf instructor (and questioning his actual surfing ability), he was a funny guy.

Beyond the actual people, we saw lots of monkeys. They were real and exciting, and move so quickly in trees! Poppin!

The Americans we met? not so poppin. They gave a pretty whack showing on this vacation. They displayed some serious hater traits.

Example 1: Surfing day AM--we went to the beach, trudging through the jungle with our surf boards in about 95 degree heat for 25 minutes (though I swear the return trip was about 1 hour). We get to the beach and drop our stuff at a little makeshift cover on the beach. The american couple that "built" the cover gave us dirty looks and moved our stuff. while we were in the ocean. sweeet. they then proceeded to tear down their shade hut when they left, so that nobody else could use it. me and my third degree burn salute you, selfish blonde couple. (we saw them when we went snorkeling too. they were still pretty lame)

Example 2: Surfing day PM--after trudging back through the jungle with our heavy boards and blistering burns (oh wait--the burn was just me), covered in sand, we made a stop at the resort nearby to recuperate and wash off our sandy feet. As guests of our hotel, we were allowed to use the pool at the resort, we just had to show our key. We hadn't gotten to that point, instead choosing to rinse our feet and set down our surfboards first. The waspiest old american lady I've ever been forced to encounter (and I went to Stanford, so there you go), comes up to us and asks "Are you staying here?" after laying suspicious, beady eyes on our boards. My friend replies that we are staying at the sister hotel in town. "Oh," the woman responds, "well, you know you show them your key at reception to get your towels." I imagine she is nervously clutching her room key in one hand and mace in the other as she looks at our menacing figures. right. Then, when we say nothing, she looks at us and comments "That's a lot of sand," which we interpret as "Wow, you're really dirty. Can you leave please?" and then walks away to talk to (no joke) a security guard. He left us alone and we stood slack-jawed in peace. Amazing. Ageism? Surfism? Sunburnism? Did she think I was the maid? Not sure, but awesome just the same. I immediately attempted to capture my sandy arms and legs on camera to commemorate the moment. Sadly, the sand that was so glaring to her eyes wasn't picked up by my camera.

(Here is the site of our distressing discriminatory encounter.)

There were many more poppin, and a few other whack events on the trip, but I am tired, need to plan my lesson for tomorrow, and I assume you are bored of me now. Until I tire of school work...

thank you, dead presidents.

2008-02-16T01:36:00.005-05:00

Hello friend. So I have somewhat limited use of my voice today. As Susan could tell you, I used it to discuss the awful, curse-filled conversation that happened about 12 inches from us at dinner tonight. Seriously, I was waiting for Candid Camera people to show up. I thought this couple was seriously going to come to blows over their glasses of wine and 3 courses at dinner. Why, people, if you can't stand each other, must you eat all 3 courses and argue THE ENTIRE TIME? Using langauge that would cause my mother to not only cringe, but probably slap you and THEN wash your mouth out with soap? But really, none of this matters because it is the time we public school teachers like to call MID-WINTER BREAK. others call it President's Week. I call it 9 days without other people's children. Word.

And where will you find me for the following week? See the picture below: Well, maybe not exactly here, but somewhere strikingly similar. I am going to Costa Rica. To the beach. To become tan again and reclaim my half mexican roots. In fact, the picture above is really from my summer trip to Mexico, but that's only because I've never been to Costa Rica. I actually do know that the two are different countries. Yes, I am a global history teacher. And yes, more importantly, I am. on. vacation. I will not be held responsible for proper grammar, timeliness, or grading papers for the next 6 days.

A sun-kissed Ms. F will check back in soon.

My Hot Valentine

2008-02-14T17:51:00.007-05:00

Here you have it. The hottest Valentine's Day date a sick girl with no voice like me could ever hope for. I know. I should really pick just one, but they're all so sweet and helpful.

The Hoarse Whisperer

2008-02-13T19:12:00.002-05:00

We've all heard of Murphy's Law, but I'm pretty sure it was incorrectly named. I know a Murphy. He's got ok luck. I, on the other hand, do not. Take a stroll through my day and see if you would sign a petition to rename Murphy's Law after me.

7:30 pm last night: It's snowing! Now that I am inside, I have a child-like hope that the night will bring lots of snow and that impossible dream--a snow day for NYC public schools.

8:00 pm last night: the rain starts. Good-bye snow day.

5:30 am: Wake up intent on preserving my voice, which I lost alarmingly on Monday. It hasn't been back since. Fortunately, nobody on the planet is awake yet, so I have nobody to talk to as I drag myself to the shower, semi-aware of the intense rainstorm hitting my bedroom window.

6:30 am: My mental grumblings (because I'm attempting to save my vocal cords) about the mayor begin. It's raining really, really hard. Also, there is still snow and ice on the ground. Not ideal conditions to be trudging through in the dark when you're sick and it's cold. Sure, Bloomberg professes his "man of the people-ness" by taking the subway to work with us working folk, but I bet he's not walking from 1st to Lexington carting a tote bag full of mediocre essays and hot tea.

7:35 am: It's on, Bloomberg. How many times do you ride the subway to the projects? Next time you don't call a snow day, you can walk with me to work. Trust me, the walk from the York St. stop through the Farragut Housing Projects is decidedly un-plowed/shoveled/salted. The rain only adds to the appeal of walking through slush, as the slush is, in fact, floating on top of 2-3 inches of rainwater along my path to work. My waterproof boots are soaked through and already my feet are wet. How about you bring a little public school slush to your mayorial shoes/suit/coat? Or maybe consider moving City Hall to the Navy Yards?

8:30 am: Nope. No voice. The first of 3 meetings serves as the setting in which I realize I cannot, in fact, even make noise. It's not just that I can't speak, I can't form any sounds. I feel 1 part paranoia, 2 parts awkwardness for being the only person at the meeting (out of the total of 5 of us) who said absolutely nothing.

9:28 am: It's really annoying to sit in a meeting during which you have comments, totally unable to speak. What makes that better? Teaching 60 kids over the next two hours, totally unable to speak.

11:34 am: Okay. So that was kind of awesome. Kids can be so nice to you when it appears that you may be dying from an illness. I worked it OUT with my non-voice, and let the kids run a class all about communism (in an organized way, guided by my super-high tech smart board). I think they might have been more productive today than they have been all year long. Equally productive according to their needs and abilities, obviously.

11: 45 am: Am forced to deal with the fact that I should probably reschedule my night of catching up and sampling tasty wines with two of my favorite new york people, seeing as I can't catch up (aka "speak") and probably wouldn't be aided in my quest for a working voice with wine. They are understanding. I feel grateful and slightly terrible as we have rescheduled catching up probably 10 times in the past 18 months. FYI: I am a terrible friend.

1:30 pm: Time to lead the 11th grade meeting. After about 90 minutes of not teaching, and therefore, not speaking, I have the husky speech of a woman seriously sick. It is deemed "sexier than Scarlett Johansson" by the one male on the 11th grade team. Color me awkward.

1:40 pm: The husky sexpot voice is gone for good. Someone's taking a sick day Thursday.

1:41 pm: Check my messages. I have to be home by 5:30 to show the super the leak in the bathroom that apparently made itself evident during this morning's little monsoon.

4:30 pm: Why am I still at school? I talked (stupidly) through 3 hours of meetings and am now attempting to pull together materials for tomorrow.

4:34 pm: The general annoyance of putting together materials that you have a suspicion may not get done tomorrow turns to the cold sweat of fear when I realize I cannot login to the website to request a sub for tomorrow's class. I would call the help line...but I can't actually speak to anyone. Hmm.

4:45 pm: Let's set aside the panic of the sub-mess to get my lessons set for tomorrow. Why can't I just leave pages for kids to do in the textbook? Because I only have 14 textbooks and each class (4 of them) has about twice as many kids. And these kids didn't learn to share in kindergarten. Sigh.

5:00 pm: Time to make the copies. WHAT?! the copier is out of paper and there is literally NONE to be found? Why don't I freak out really loudly? Oh wait, why don't I freak out really silently but equally freakishly. I realize there is another teacher in the room. Awkward. Why don't I go find some paper...in another borough?

5:15 pm: Okay, so I made the copies, why don't i freak out again about not being able to request a sub? What's with these websites that force you to use a pin, but then have no tool to help you recall the pin you made up on the spot and didn't write down? Why don't I try every pin I've ever used in my life 18 times and realize that I still have NO idea what my pin is? Thanks.

5:15 pm: Realize that it takes 1 hour (read: not 15 minutes) to get from Brooklyn to home. I suppose I should call the super...with my awesomely husky voice...to beg him to come later. Only, when I dial and he answers, I open my mouth to speak, and nothing but cracking bleats emerge. Mortified, I speak from my diaphragm like a real opera star, to bark out my request. I don't think he really understands me, but he says he'll be there at 6:30. I am exhausted.

5:25 pm: Attempt to go home #1. Make the fatal mistake of saying goodbye to a colleague that I actually like talking to.

5:30 pm: Still talking to said colleague. Another one joins in. Outlook not good for Operation Get home by 6:30.

5:30-5:55 pm: Several, futile attempts made at exiting the conversation, none made easier by the fact that I still don't really have the ability to use my voice. Finally at 5:55, I force myself to walk down the hall.

6:10 pm: at the train station, 1 train passes by the station without stopping. because why stop when you don't have to train?

6:14 pm: get on the proper train. It dutifully treks to Manhattan, but encounters several unnecessary "we are being held momentarily while another train is in the station" moments.

6:42 pm: emerge at my stop only to realize that in my tired, silent, bad-lucked stupor, I got on the wrong end of the train and have to walk ALL THE WAY down to get out of the station. sigh.

6:45 pm: call my dad to check and see if my voice is working enough to then call the super and beg him not to leave the building before I get there. My dad can't really understand everything I'm saying. Not a good sign. I attempt the call anyway, the super will wait.

6:55 pm: The super meets me and we attempt to find the leak in the apartment. We finally see it. Apparently it will require the handiwork of a "roofer." I bet roofers didn't have to go to work today...

7:00 pm: How is it already 7pm?

super (stressful?) tuesday...

2008-02-04T22:00:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to vote in tomorrow's primaries! (This will be my first ever primary. I've made the big switch from being an independent to becoming a member of the democratic party, mostly so I could enjoy being part of the primary process. And now that I have it, I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready for it) It's all sort of overwhelming--who to choose? In 9 short months we will have our new fearless leader, and I'm not sure who I want that to be. As a social studies teacher, I am shaking my head in shame at myself.

I've been facing this dilemma for a while, friend I've been getting emails in support of Obama, hearing tales of the better qualifications of Clinton, and I'm not really sure where to turn. Reading and hearing the platforms of each candidate hasn't really helped me narrow down my choice. The debates convinced me only that John Edwards was not going to win the candidacy, but really, nothing more. And then of course, how many conversations have I had/listened to about which candidate the country is "more" ready for? Don't get me started.

Also, I'm not really known for my decisiveness in the first place, and sometimes the details that highlight the candidates differences are so confusing that I'm not sure I'm really educated enough to determine who should be running this country. sigh. If you are suffering from the same uncertainty, and find yourself awake, reading this page in the wee hours before you take advantage of your right to vote, visit the Minnesota Public Radio's Select a Candidate survey: http://minnesota.publicradio.org/projects/ongoing/select_a_candidate/.

Good night, and good luck.

ode to another woman's husband and the ny giants.

2008-02-03T15:59:00.000-05:00

I would like to take a moment to celebrate a husband who is not mine. Yesterday I went to a dinner party thrown by a married couple. Walking there, I wondered how much it would feel like the "smug married couple" dinner of Bridget Jones. I don't hang out much with married couples, mostly because I am busy at home watching Lost on abc.com. Fortunately for me, it was nothing like the single-girl q & a of Ms. Jones' experience. It was actually pretty poppin. And, I feel the need to give a shout out to my gracious hosts who not only fed me but also put me up when it got too late to walk to the C train. You know who you are. Just how poppin (or pawesome) are thee? let me count the ways. There are actually five of them. So here's my top 5 reasons that someone else's husband rocks:

1. you make a mean asparagus risotto
2. the "le tigre" blanket. amazing.
3. your facebook stalking advice is incomparable
4. you provide pajama packages, complete with toothbrush, for your guests
5. i have a sneaking suspicion that you could be the key to spreading "whack or poppin" to an international audience.

(Also, your wife is pretty cool too.)

And continuing with the shout outs to the male gender, I feel that I should give one here to the NY Giants. I confess, I was not very invested in the outcome of tonight's game, as the Raiders making it to the post-season was about as likely as me coaching them there. However, I was rooting for the Patriots tonight, because, I mean, come on. Tom Brady. But Giants, you played well. Eli Manning? Great job shaking off like 10 Patriots to complete a solid pass.

I feel that I should apologize. I have ignored you for the past 4 years, even though you're technically my home team. I underestimated you against Green Bay and New England, and you've proven yourselves. I have refused to give up my west coast loyalties and tonight you showed me that maybe I should broaden my views. I'm not saying I'd ever buy a Giants hat or anything, but I think perhaps I owe you some respect. Are we cool? Maybe we can be friends, Giants. Though if the celebratory honking, howling, and shouting that is going on outside of my window doesn't stop soon, our friendship might be off to an ever-so-slightly rocky start.

friday 8:30pm

2008-02-01T21:29:00.001-05:00

What is Friday like for teachers? Check out the center of this image. That should give you an idea.

whack or poppin?

2008-01-31T23:05:00.001-05:00

I think we may have invented the greatest game ever at school today. As I was decompressing at the end of a fairly insane day with two other teachers, our already mildly delirious conversation took a turn for the...delirious-er(?) as we created "whack or poppin?" Here's how you play. Pick something that exists in the world. then ask, is it whack, or is it poppin? You can play in a group or by yourself and the fun goes on forever. Here are some examples to get you started:

sentence fragments: whack or poppin?

A: whack

global history: whack or poppin?

A: poppin

Bon Jovi: whack or poppin?

A: you already know it's poppin

now try a few on your own:

Tom Brady
Eli Manning
No Child Left Behind
puffer fish
the electric slide
Stanford
Cal

It's no Jump to Conclusions mat, but I think it's poppin.

(The correct answers are: 1. poppin 2. whack 3. whack minus 4. poppin 5. whack plus 6. poppin 7. what's lower than whack?)

where's alice cooper?

2008-01-29T23:11:00.000-05:00

i don't want to have to teach tomorrow.

it's not that i dislike it--i actually find it really exciting and blah blah blah. but really? 5:30 am wake up call? i've really enjoyed the past week of sleeping in until 5:50 am. it's been special. also, i've been able to actually partake in viewing the rising sun from the comfort of my apartment window like a regular human being. today i went a little crazy and bought myself a hot chocolate. slow down there tiger!

but beyond the extended wake up time, i have that "sunday night dread" of the regular week, only times 4 right now. which is doubly lame since it's tuesday. it's 11:14pm. i should've been in bed over an hour ago--thanks for an hour of time wasted, "The Office" reruns on tbs! but syndicated television aside, i'm wired. not as in "The Wire" (which yes, I am slowly getting into. i hope we can soon have meaningful conversations about McNulty and the wider implications of this gritty show, but really i'm only on episode 7 of season 1. i still can't keep all the characters straight. i hope to some day be as well versed in the trivia and character arcs as you already are, friend), but as in first day of school nerves!

you'd think that after a good four years i'd be so over the first day jitters. especially seeing as it is january, and decidedly not the first day of school. but any time i get a brief reprieve from the work grind, i get nervous about going back. like when i take that F train down to york street, i am marching to certain death. or at least severe teenage angst and grumbling.

look--i am so distraught i forgot to consistently use proper capitalization, friend. keep me posted if you have any words of wisdom, similar stories of back to school blues, or a fancy red pen with which you plan to correct my multiple grammatical errors.

jake ryan? he doesn't even know you exist!

2008-01-26T18:46:00.001-05:00

So I've been thinking about Sixteen Candles, a movie I could watch forever and never tire of. And I think I had an epiphany. Here it is. John Hughes has forever destroyed my future romantic happiness. How, you ask, could the man who brought us great films like Uncle Buck, The Breakfast Club, and The Great Outdoors, singlehandedly ruin my future? Simple, friend. Just two words: Jake Ryan.

With his sweater-vest and cuffed jeans, and yes, a porsche, the ultimate 80s heartthrob is romantic kryptonite. It's not just the sheepish way he shoved his hands into his pockets when talking to Molly Ringwald and her heinous pink outfits (and hats! why, Molly, why the hats?)--it's so much more. With every boy I meet, I feel compelled to ask, 'Is this the kind of guy who will not only make me a birthday cake, but allow me to sit on the formal dining table at his parents mansion while blowing out the candles?' Overwhelmingly, the answer is no (granted, at this point, I'm sort of hoping that the boy doesn't still live with his parents). And not just that, but Jake Ryan has a supremely noble character. What boy do you know that would rescue your meek, high school sophomore panties from geeks and spend all night trying to get them back to you, while leaving his shallow blond girlfriend with Anthony Michael Hall? Boys that I know, none of you come to mind. Girls, I know that I'm not alone in this either.

Perhaps I am too quick to judge Mr. Hughes. Really, the fault lies with Jane Austen. The original, most crush-worthy man of fiction is, in my opinion, Mr. Darcy. Brooding Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome, who also happens to be ridiculously wealthy and romantic? Sure, I'll take one. The fact that he's got a healthy side of social awkwardness to complement the glorious grounds of Pemberley and his dashing top hat just adds to the appeal. The only problem here is not that they don't know I exist--it's really that they don't exist.

There is a point to all of this boy banter. With my positive approach to 2008 and determination to stop living like a 50 year old hermit, I am realizing that there are 2 main obstacles preventing me from finding Jake Ryan 2.0. They are:
1)Attractive people tend to recognize their own hotness.
2)Very few men just fall into a girl's lap (And if they do, it's usually best to stand up so they don't stay there).

Let me explain. With formulaic chick flicks, somehow the leading man is impossibly attractive, yet he (and possibly the leading lady) doesn't really know it. His charm, carefully messy hair, and ability to rock a pair of Levis like nobody's business have not gone to his head. However. In my experience, most attractive people understand that they are attractive. It's the whole point of being attractive. Friend, people like you (yes, you)--genetically gifted people who can wake up rumpled and still look amazing--typically know it. You may pretend to be surprised when people on the subway give you their numbers, or you are followed by a parade of ardent admirers as you walk to the grocery store, but you're just being modest so that I won't get jealous of the attention and stop letting you read my hilarious blog. Also, when you are being followed by your hordes of stalkers, you tend to deal with them in a smooth, easy manner. I get uncomfortable and begin talking loudly and giggling somewhat inappropriately (and uncontrollably) when I have to punch in my membership number at the gym. Did you take a class in how to be smooth when we were in college, friend? If so, I feel that you were morally responsible to drag me with you, especially since it was probably just a 1-unit, pass/fail course and I totally could have fit it in. The bottom line? My maybe-unfair tendency is to distrust good-looking people. Good-looking people are typically comfortable with their good-looking-ness. I am uncomfortable with my awkwardness and your lack of it, which makes me want to not approach you since I assume that you already know that you are cute and therefore don't need to talk to awkward people and gosh is it warm in here? am i talking really fast? i'm going to open a window. so that i can jump out of it.

Problem #2? The Weather Girls are a bunch of liars. It is NOT raining men, and the meteorologist predicts that I live in a pocket of New York City comparable to Death Valley, a place that knows no rain. I recently heard a statistic that in NYC there are 150,000 more women than men. This alone does not mean romantic doom. Unfortunately, as a shy person who fears rejection, I am far too comfortable with the movie-world dynamic of boy meets girl, boy pursues girl, girl gets to enjoy doing no work to get lots of attention. This would all be fine and good, except that it doesn't seem to happen as frequently in real life. Okay, maybe it does, but not to someone who spends the majority of her days being referred to as "Ms." while negotiating teenage angst and below grade level reading. All signs point to me being in the wrong profession for a man-downpour. So, friend, what with 2008 being all super, I suppose I will have to actively protest this drought and take matters into my own hands. This realization is slightly terrifying and leaves my palms clammy and knees shaky.

What can I do to prevent my demise into the crazy old lady who owns 25 cats and eats pints of Ben and Jerry's while watching her shows? I guess I could pony up and talk to that cute boy sitting near me today at the coffee shop. He was all seriousness and studying and sitting by himself. But I was so consumed by Problem #1 that instead I sat behind him and constantly commented to my friend about him while staring at his back. Which then made me think about Problem #2 and wonder what the best passive aggressive way would be to get his attention. Thinking back on the day, I want to slap myself in the face. He had no idea I existed and I had no intention of making myself known. Needless to say, I entered the coffee shop single, and left dateless.

I suppose, supremely cute boys of New York, we must reach some sort of compromise. I will work on not vilifying you solely due to your intense level of attractiveness. And if you please work hard on honing your charming, nerdy quirks, maybe, just maybe we can go out for coffee. Maybe today I'll buy a good umbrella, just in case.

a brief disclaimer.

2008-01-25T19:41:00.000-05:00

In the grand tradition of this generation, I've decided to start a blog. Consider it my contribution to the internet age. My true motivation? A modest attempt to keep in touch with YOU, friend.

"Miss," you insist impatiently on my voicemail, "I almost never hear from you these days. What's the deal?" My frenzied response is to simply knock over the pile of papers I am grading as I reach for another diet pepsi and make a mental note to call you back when I have a spare moment in 2011 (You think I'm kidding, but my room is a sea of essays on the French Revolution and Toussaint L'Ouverture). Don't think I haven't noticed that your phone calls are much less frequent--though I can't help but think that perhaps it's my fault. Perhaps I've been neglecting you just a tad too much.

Which brings me to my point. My life is pretty boring and un-monumental, but alarmingly it's filled with endless tasks. I miss our deep, insightful conversations about things like 80s music, the best line from the last episode of The Office, and what ever happened to Johnny from Karate Kid, friend. I'm pretty sure 2008 is going to be the best year ever, and as part of the best-everness of it, I shall call you with reckless abandon. But in case you've deleted me from your phone and you don't answer to unknown callers, you can get your dose of me here.

Life on the F Train

ms. f moves

ms f is inked.

ms f is OMG

ms. f's trip to the movies

ms. f needs a vacation

ms f is...

ms f is...

Sunday Morning Thought

ms f leaves work in the daylight.

Circle of Friends

well played, groundhog.

new year's resolutions.

ms f is...

new vocabulary.

Something is rotten in the state of new york.

top 2 favorite halloween sightings

and now...deep thoughts.

a little "motivation" for the week...

is it friday yet?

look what i can do.

ms f makes a comic.

ms f creates a contest.

like a bad 3rd date.

i'm a genius!

things i noticed today.

how much smarter would you be if I was YOUR teacher?

can't help myself

where are you?

end of summer blues

summer thing 14: perfect summer days

summer thing 13: the rural juror

summer thing 12: random sidewalk sightings

summer thing 11: my fake husband

summer things 8, 9 and 10: leotards, leggings and leopard

summer thing #7: The Olympics!

geeks and tropical fruit

new summer thing #6

ms f's summer thing #5!

ms f's new summer thing #4

ms f's new summer thing #3

ms f's new summer thing #2

don't (or do) sweat it.

ms f branches out.

ms. f and the west village

home improvement.

the little red haired girl.

no more sheep left to count.

and...scene?

ms f gets all patriotic.

have sarcasm, will travel

the foreign correspondent.

and one more...

lies my students told me...

he ain't heavy, he's my brother

seriously? a traveler's perspective

it was way more intense in person.

thoughts, comments, concerns

what's poppin in the classroom?

my, your right frontal lobe is HUUGE.

inner. inner city. inner city pressure.

if i were a mastercard commercial

why does the phone have a camera glued to it?

happy tuesday you boy-band lovers.

participation in government.

no one would tell: my not so secret love for lifetime tv.

i get by with a little help from my friends.

weekend advice.

well, i AM half white.

it's a good life.

color me baaaad...

march (mental) madness.

an off court dispute.

career opportunities.

stuff half my ancestors like.

a model of restraint.

Widgetry and other such procrastinatory things

to dos and to don'ts.

Las Cosas de Costa Rica: las buenas, las malas y las feas

thank you, dead presidents.