seriously? a traveler's perspective

i am winding down a quick weekend journey from east coast to west for my little brother's college graduation. more on that at a later date. this particular post is reserved solely for my observations on cross-country travel and what amounts to possibly the worst traveling karma (does such a thing exist?) known to man. i'll start with a question:

when air travel was first created, it was intended to be a luxury, yes?

my travel advice:

1. always check your itinerary.

i almost took the subway to JFK when i was supposed to be on New Jersey transit to Newark Airport. whoops. i had my whole trip to JFK planned out from work, and on my way to the subway realized that i was, in fact, preparing to head to a departure site that would not actually let me depart. at this point, my flight was scheduled to leave in less than 3 hours. i called a car service to come get me in downtown brooklyn and high-tail it to the Garden State. this put me out a whopping $76. (this is a far cry from the $7 i was planning to spend on my airtrain ticket from the A train to JFK airport)

2. travel with a stress ball, don't BE a stress ball

the entire time i was in my car to the airport, i could barely enjoy the luxury of the leather seats in the fancy town car (in fact, this might have been my first time ever in a town car) because i was convinced i was going to miss my flight. instead of sinking into the seat and enjoying being shielded from the ugliness of the outside world by the tinted windows, my shoulders hunched higher and higher into my neck and i literally became a ball of tension, counting the seconds that passed as we got stuck in traffic on the bridge. got stuck in traffic in Tribeca. got stuck in traffic waiting to get into the Holland Tunnel. and finally got out of the traffic jam on the NJ side of things. the trip to the airport actually only took 30 minutes, but when you start out the journey headed to the wrong airport, it doesn't really breed relaxed travel.

3. never let your belongings (or the overpriced airport food you purchase) leave your sight

when i got through security, it was about 5pm on friday. i had spent my entire day at school running around like crazy (this was the last official day of classes for the year), and over the course of the day i had only eaten a yogurt. needless to say, i was hungry. i came to terms with the fact that i was going to cave and buy a $7 sandwich at au bon pain, comforted by the fact that the sandwich i ordered would contain melted cheddar AND bacon. i stood there like a hawk watching them make the food and when mine came out of the oven and they asked "For here or to go?" i responded "to go please." the woman wrapped the sandwich up and the woman behind me grabbed it and took off. WHAT?! "EXCUSE ME!" i ran after her, explaining that she had taken my sandwich. she claimed it was hers. I asked the people behind the counter what number they called. the gave HER number. the kicker? I heard her order. a mozzarella and chicken sandwich. NOT a turkey, bacon, cheddar club. she took off with her insanely active 2 year old son and MY sandwich, while i was left fuming as the sandwich people gave me her order. i would have stayed to complain, but my plane was boarding in 5 minutes. i hoped that she was allergic to bacon, cheddar and other people's inability to stand up for their rightfully paid-for sandwiches.

4. always prepare for the worst

in this situation this means 2 things:
1. bring napkins. the other woman's sandwich was messy. and i was left starving, so i ate it and got food all over my face and hands like a not-yet housebroken toddler. awesome.

2. be ready to sit on the tarmac for a good three hours (aka bring a good book). my flight boarded at 5:35, and was scheduled to leave at 6:10. please explain to me, then, how it is remotely okay that yes, we boarded at 5:35 and sat in the plane. until 8:50. no joke. throughout the 3 hour wait we were infrequently given lackluster (and lacking) updates from the pilot that he didn't know why we were being held OR when we would depart. thanks buddy. you're aces. meanwhile, the flight crew was snippy and begrudingly offered plastic cups of water ONLY after being pressured to give it to a few passengers. ironically, when we finally took off (over 3 hours after boarding), we were given a sugary "welcome to flight 784 non-stop service to portland." yeah, you've made me feel right at home with your short remarks, unfriendly attitude and poor service. the upside? i had a good book with me that distracted me from the nonsense AND the man next to me who had a hankering for taking up as much arm rest space as possible.

5. disregard #4 and don't bother planning ahead

because my brother's graduation was at OSU and there is no corvallis airport, i had to fly in to portland. a good 1.5-2 hours away. i scheduled myself onto a shuttle to corvallis that was to leave portland at 11:15 and arrive in corvallis at 1:30 am. i wasn't looking forward to the late travel, but as we sat on the newark tarmac, i began to realize that the longer we sat, the less likely i was to make the 11:15 shuttle. the LAST shuttle of the night from PDX to corvallis. i called my parents in a panic (they were driving the 12+ hour trip from their house to oregon for the event) and hyperventilated into the phone that i probably would miss my shuttle. sure enough, we arrived in portland 15 minutes after the final airport shuttle had departed. awesome. my amazing and exhausted parents drove an extra 4 hours roundtrip to come pick my grumpy self up at the airport and take us all back to our hotel in corvallis.

this was perhaps the most ridiculous travel experience of my life thus far. the return trip promises to be unnecessarily long (corvallis to portland shuttle, pdx to houston, a 3 hour layover, and then houston to nyc, over a span of 14 hours), but is already much better, as i am typing this post from a wireless-internet capable shuttle van.

this is luxury travel.