ms f is inked.

went to Williamsburg with knots in my stomach and came back with a tattoo.

i commemorated my momentous event with a preparatory meal of coronas and pancakes, and a post-tattoo meal of banana & nutella crepes. nothing says "party" like multicultural pancakes.

many many warm thanks to those of you who endured my tortured conversations about why i wanted a tattoo and what type of tattoo to get. your input was inspiring. :)

Circle of Friends

Remember the movie with Minnie Driver and mid 90s heartthrob Chris O'Donnell? Where you're supposed to believe that Minnie is "chubby" (sure), and that Colin Firth is having an illicit affair with a younger woman (who in reality would have been running away from that creepy-man moustache)? It's a great movie.

But that's not the topic of today's post. No, the topic is actually my circle of friends. So far, none have been sneaking away to a friend's parents' summer cottage to get inappropriate with a snobby older man (at least that I know of). However, they have been throwing excellent gatherings and spending lots of quality time with Ms. F. For which I am thankful!

This weekend I had 4 different friend gatherings to attend. For someone like me--left to my own devices I would just stay in my PJs eating peanut butter and licorice while watching old episodes of Top Chef on Bravo all weekend--the task of more than 2 weekend functions is slightly overwhelming just to think about. But rest assured, my weekend was awesome. It even inspired me to complete one more outing tonight (unheard of Sunday night fun will hopefully stave off the Sunday night dread that came with my decision to become a teacher)!

To those of you who I got a chance to hang out with this weekend--I send you my most sincere and platonic besos (I'm working on my ability to show affection remember?). From the numerous beverages consumed before 6pm on Friday, to the realization that I have a secret twin living in New Rochelle on Saturday, my weekend was poppin.

And to top it all off--and prove that I am making 2009 my year for self-improvement--I performed (horribly, mind you) my very first ever karaoke song Saturday. I was a background singer going by a fake name to protect my integrity. And I was horrible. And so nervous that I clutched at my purse and wanted to run away the whole time. But I didn't (probably to the chagrin of the audience).

Most random event of the weekend? Posing for a picture with a storm trooper (a la Star Wars). Quite fitting considering that storm troopers were the main characters in my most terrifying recurring childhood dream.

well played, groundhog.

in an attempt to keep my new years' resolution to blog more, here goes attempt #2 of 2009. today is monday and i'm pretty tired, so there's not really a common theme to what i'm thinking....

students come back to school tomorrow after a few days off during regents week. i'm not mentally prepared for them. i bet they're not mentally prepared for me either. sigh.

the weather here was about 35 degrees higher than it has been in a long time. it threw me off a bit.

apparently, each borough in nyc has its own groundhog. what happens if the bronx groundhog sees his shadow, but in staten island there's no shadow? mass hysteria?

i can't get that old song "Mr. Vain" by Culture Beat out of my head. it's been there all weekend long. seriously. don't know what i'm talking about? i guarantee that if you were born between 1970-1994 you actually do...

i just bought an iphone and i'm even annoying myself with my one track mindedness about the whole thing. i love it. i can't think about anything else. but i think the relationship might be slightly one sided.

new year's resolutions.

1. to write more blog updates. (?) i've been busy and unmotivated lately. life is becoming increasingly difficult to pare down into witty blog postings. perhaps that's a good thing?

2. to have a montage-worthy year. Rocky IV, perhaps the BEST MOVIE EVER, is on tv right now. it boasts 2 of the best movie montages ever--the post-Apollo's death montage, which is really just flashbacks from the 1st 3 movies; and the training montage set in the siberian winter. amazing. i'm not sure exactly why i like this movie so much. i remember watching it when i was little and becoming obsessed with Russia...perhaps my boy crazy 7 year old self fell a little bit in love with ivan drago? who knows. but rocky's life looks all dramatic and full of meaning when set to an 80s power ballad. i want that. find me a power ballad worthy and i'll do my best to montage my year in december 2009.

top 2 favorite halloween sightings

i am semi-lame and avoiding the crazy nyc halloween scene this year. i'll be home on my couch watching The Ring for the first time and probably inducing a week of insomnia (because let's face it, i'm a big fat wuss when it comes to scary movies. i watch them through the cracks between my fingers).

but i saw 2 things that made me laugh today:

1. a big black shaggy dog taking a walk with his owner. he had a thick line of cotton attached somehow to his back so that he was dressed up as a (wait for it) skunk. it was pretty funny.

2. two girls between the ages of 10-13. i feel like an alarming number of girls that age these days are dressing sorta skanky on halloween (and other random days of the year). i realize this makes me sound like my mother. i don't really care. but anyway, these girls were wearing matching clothes and they were both sharing a giant cardigan sweater--each with one arm in the armhole, so that they were conjoined twins. awesome? yes.

school was remarkably uneventful for a typically crazy day. although i did have to confiscate a phone during classtime, and the girl i took it from did definitely call me the "b word." ouch. what she didn't realize is that when you call someone a profane name, it tends to make them less likely to actually give you what you want. whoops.

ms f creates a contest.

want to be a winner?

help me think of a good, juicy storyline for a soap opera about the middle ages.

in about a month, my students will be writing and performing brief scenes from their very own telenovelas about (cue dramatic music) THE MIDDLE AGES!!!!!

here's a little teaser i created this week to get them in the mood (please feel free to applaud my gratutious use of dramatic trailer music).

here's where you come in.

i don't really watch soap operas. but i have to create a sample to show students what i expect from them. i'll be filming the sample with some of my old students, but we need a script before i can film. i'm hitting a bit of a mental roadblock when thinking up plot points.

so, i need ideas for a mildly ridiculous but still funny and historically accurate storyline that includes the following things:

• a far off bloody war (The Crusades)
• traveling to a new land (The Silk Road)
  
• incurable disease (The Black Death)
• new art/science/technology (The Renaissance)
  
• turning your back on the church (The Protestant Reformation)

The person who provides me with the best overall plot for a Medieval soap will get a free drink from ms f upon our next meeting!

Additionally, the person who gives me the best title suggestion for my fake soap opera will also get a free drink!

This contest ends on October 10th.

i'm a genius!

i've just updated my itunes software so that i now have itunes 8.0. how much do i love the new genius feature? (the answer is SO MUCH). i can now have my computer pick out all my early 90s angsty music in seconds, by simply clicking on just one angsty song. right now i'm definitely swaying to some mazzy star. it all reminds me of 8th grade homeroom. i'm not really sure why.

but when i think of 8th grade homeroom that reminds me of the time that i got a black eye (in that very classroom, which was also my social studies classroom) on valentines day. i was walking to class and someone was leaving another classroom and the door opened out and flew into my face. my homeroom was in a building where the classrooms opened to the outside, not to an indoor hallway. so the doors were heavy. this means the door actually hurt pretty badly when it HIT MY FACE.

seriously. who does this happen to? on valentines day. thinking back, i don't even really understand the physics of how a big all-weather door can actually hit someone in the face, rather than the shoulder or leg. but it happened to me. when i was 12. like i wasn't lame enough anyway. i was already that geeky new girl with bushy eyebrows and bad hair. i hadn't thought of that incident in probably 8 years. it's refreshing to realize that my awkwardness isn't a new thing, it's something i've perfected over the course of my ENTIRE LIFE.

hee.

ps--i know i'm a social studies teacher, but i found the debate yesterday kinda dull. i watched it while on a work retreat, so maybe the combination of friday night sleepiness, a long day of school stuff, a bus full of alcohol, cheese-its and sour patch kids impacted my ability to focus. be glad i'm not teaching your kids.

how much smarter would you be if I was YOUR teacher?

because the following is a direct quote from one of my students' comments on our class discussion site:

"The government would not be as strong, powerful, and as vital at it is today without the input of humans."

technically, she's right. the government would NOT be strong, powerful, or nearly as vital as it is today, without the input of humans.

this analytical fabulousness manifested itself after only 3 weeks. imagine the level of conversation we'll be approaching in a month.

now, just think of the leaps and bounds that YOU could make in your study of history and the human condition under my tutelage.

summer thing 14: perfect summer days

what follows is the cliche, yet obligatory urban-dweller post about awesome food. consider yourself warned.

yesterday my nonsexual soulmate (who shall be called NSS in all future posts) and i trekked to Chinatown for a real, genuine $7 day. in which we would spend no more than $7 for the day. we purchased all of the edible goodness that you see here at the dumpling house on eldridge st in chinatown for $3 a piece. i had to give my vegetarianness a rest (again) in exchange for cheap and tasty pork buns and a peking duck pancake.

we followed up our filling $3 meal with a trip to the chinatown ice cream factory (goodbye veganism), where i savored my "zen butter" ice cream, which cost $3.75 (yep, more than my whole lunch). zen butter tasted a lot like sesame, peanut butter and something else indescribably rich and tasty. yum.

as if the day wasn't awesome enough, the weather was a non-humid 75 or so degrees and sunny. i felt like i was back in my overprivileged college days, when i took the sunshine, palm trees and abundance of tanned, attractive swimmers for granted.

the afternoon ended at the strand, where we broke our $7 rule to buy $1 bargain books for our classrooms. so that didn't really count anyway. exciting purchases for ms. f? The Bluest Eye and Beloved, by Toni Morrison, neither of which I've ever read. I'm accruing quite a reading list for the following year. more to follow on that soon.

equally fabulous? the dinner party i attended in the evening. great wine (complete with an exciting stick on the bottle), food, and conversation dominated the evening. not to give myself airs or anything, but i think i was only slightly socially awkward. it was such a great night that the train ride from brooklyn to the upper east side at midnight didn't seem so bad. i even rewarded myself for such a pleasant day with a 1 am hot chocolate (which i suppose brought my spending total to $9 all in all). perfect ending to a fabulously leisurely day.

fyi--i imagine my posts next week won't have this happy go lucky feel, as tomorrow is my last summer vacation day. savor the upbeat blog while you can people, because it won't last much longer.

summer thing 12: random sidewalk sightings

on my way to my local non-starbucks coffee shop today i saw the funniest thing. picture it:

blonde, wholesome family of four walking down the sidewalk toward me. a 2-3 year old son in a stroller, a daughter slightly older. the parents are walking and talking but the kids are belting out (at full volume): "I like to move it move it! I like to move it move it!" and shaking their booties, both in and out of the stroller. they finished out the song and booty-shakin and burst into peals of laughter.

kids these days.

summer thing 11: my fake husband

i visited my fake husband at work yesterday. it was really nice to see him in his element.

in unrelated news, what is UP with all the rain but the general lack of nasty humidity in nyc these days? i am loving it. today i celebrated the lack of nasty by spending a few hours at the boat pond in central park. it was relaxing and, well, more relaxing. also, there was a guy there who made it his business to belch as loudly as possible every 10 or so minutes. to be honest, i was both grossed out and impressed by the distance the belches traveled. i guess if you're gonna do it, go big.

speaking of going big, it's after 1am and i'm still awake because i just watched the 2+ hour coverage of the women's all around gymnastics competition. did anyone else find the balance beam scores particularly shady? i know my nbc counterparts elfie schlegel and tim daggett shared my suspicions, which made me like them a bit more and return to the question "who names their child 'elfie?'" thoughts, anyone?

summer thing #7: The Olympics!

The Beijing Olympics are here! As I do just about every four years, I found myself inexplicably drawn to the Opening Ceremonies--it's like a long version of the Oscars, minus the snarky intro by Jon Stewart or Billy Crystal. I know that going in, but I'll sit through the four + hour barrage of history through interpretive dance, explosives and tons of athletes in their yacht club best. I can't help it. I'm a sucker for dramatic music, inspirational stories of struggle and triumph, and incredible pyrotechnics/choreographed amazingness. Seriously, did you watch tonight's ceremony? Pretty impressive. I get so into it, that I continue to sit through the long (and seemingly randomly organized) march of the athletes into the Olympic stadium. It's sort of like being forced to watch thousands of undergrads enter the stadium on graduation day, except it goes on for like 2 hours longer. Though it is pretty awesome that I can celebrate all their hard work and self sacrifice by eating multiple desserts on the couch in my sweats, my eyes slightly glazed over as I endure yet another Bob Costas pun.

Get psyched for swimming, gymnastics, track and field, and more emotionally stirring NBC sports montages than you'll know what to do with. And seriously? I'm going to look into how Bob Costas got this whole Olympics hosting gig. he's been doing it since I can remember, and it seems like a sweet deal. Wake up, travel to an exciting location. Tape yourself waxing poetic about other people's accomplishments for a bit. Explore the city you're in, go out to eat. As I said to my lovely roommate today, he's like a professional summarizer for NBC sports. I'm a really good summarizer too! I'd be all over that job. For real. He's going to have to retire eventually, right?

In the meantime, I'll be an armchair observer of all things Olympic for the next 16 days. Check it out--in case the 4 billion hours of televised coverage on NBC, MSNBC, USA Network or Oxygen (really? oxygen?) isn't enough for you, you can watch everything (literally) on nbc.com. I tried a snazzy little widget below:

Exclusive Summer Olympics news & widgets at NBC Olympics.com!

ms f's summer thing #5!

what is it?

well...it's summer!

i know, you're asking, "can 'summer' really be counted as a 'new summer thing' as it happens every year between the months of june and august?" yes. why? because i say so.

i know you non teachers are probably grumbling at me right now about how i get 8 precious weeks off from the end of june to the end of august. well, you know what? i need every single minute of this vacation. from september to june i am: teacher/tutor/role model/surrogate parent/disciplinarian/
counselor/college advice giver/cheesy joke teller to 100 emotionally unstable, hormonally-driven teenagers to whom i have no biological ties. it's exhausting. so i'm going to describe in detail why today i was frequently reminded of the awesomeness of summer.

9 am: i woke up. nearly 4 hours after my typical school year wake up call. i woke up when my body wanted to, thank you very much. and it was luxurious. i peered at the alarm clock around 8am and thought "no thanks" and slept some more until i was fully ready to face my relaxing day.

11:45 am: i went to the gym. during the summer, i don't have to have a post-work workout like the rest of the city. i got to do my work out today alongside spandex clad ladies who lunch, t-shirt clad retired ladies, and the ever so unfortunately wife-beater clad muscle men whose jobs apparently require them to spend hours on end getting sweaty, smelly and pumped at the gym. it's a whole different feel than the tense "i just left the office for 45 minutes to work out my massive stress before i have to get back to my extremely busy and important work life" vibe of the 6:30-8pm crowd.

2pm: lunch at the shake shack with a couple friends. i've been hearing about this place for ages but never tried before. do you live in nyc? can you stand for a good 25-30 minutes in line for lunch? then i recommend this place. good for the soul, probably bad for the rest of you.

confession: remember how i said i was giving up bad foods? my goal: give up meat and dairy. well, i had a moment of introspection as i examined the menu at shake shack while waiting in line. after that very brief moment, i decided that it's really impractical to follow through on the no meat/no dairy when eating out with friends (particularly at a burger joint). and anyway, one lunch won't ruin my healthy living forever. (just for 4 years until the grease clears from my arteries). so, i decided to go to (still vegetarian) town. i had a deep-fried, muenster and cheddar filled portabello mushroom on a bun. with fries. and possibly the most amazing vanilla milkshake on the planet. it honestly tasted like it was made with homemade ice cream. and love.

i sat there with my food, wondering what on earth possessed me to fathom not eating cheese.

4:30pm: i think i ate too much. so i decided to walk the 50 or so blocks home from union square because a) it was a gorgeous day and b) i was so full i wasn't sure i could actually sit down on the subway.

5:30pm: after a leisurely hour of walking and stopping into bookstores, my feet were beginning to blister because of my poor choice of walking shoes. time to catch the bus.

this is why summer is awesome. from 9-5 i did exactly what i wanted and it was amazing.

also, if you got married this summer and i attended your wedding and did not mention it on here, don't be offended. your wedding rocked. you had a mean playlist (Gene Simmons at a wedding? bold move. but it paid off), cozy ceremony, and a generally fabulous day. and personalized m&ms ( i definitely took extras that were left on the table, fyi). just ask my roommate/parents/other friends--to whom i wouldn't stop talking about how lovely your wedding was (they were all like "okay. that's enough. you're being embarrassing. go get your own wedding already if you liked theirs so much!"). ok. was that awkward? sorry.

i'm done now.

ms f's new summer thing #4

i promise, this is unrelated to vegan cooking, bikram yoga, or anything else that will help you find inner peace or harness your chi. serious.

new summer thing #4: online tests for credit
i just took the CLEP exams in humanities and interpreting and analyzing literature to gain course credits for work, and i was really nervous for 2 big reasons:

1. the type a personality in me that rears its anal-retentive, anxiety ridden head only on occassion HATES taking tests. mostly because if i don't get what equates to an A, i'll feel like a failure. and i was afraid i was going to fail in a big way.
2. i was really afraid i was going to oversleep. i needed to get up at 7:45 am this morning. my average wake up time this summer has been 11am.
   

luckily, i passed. giving me 12 college-level credits. woo! and when i finished, at 1pm, i had been up and active for over 5 hours, instead of sitting semi-conscious in my pjs on the couch watching daytime tv. i need to make a habit of this whole "getting out of the house" business.

my other big accomplishment of the past 36 hours? i've been constructing a KILLER web-world for my upcoming global history class. i feel like i've given birth to a baby genuis, because it's all i want to talk about, and i want to show it off to everyone in that obnoxious, maternal way. i will spare you for now, mainly because it isn't done yet, and when it is, it's gonna be awesome personified.

happy weekend!

don't (or do) sweat it.

so now that it's summer and i have time to reflect, i've decided that my life is a bit rote. as an interesting person, i'm sorta rusty, and that kind of annoys me. so i'm trying to get more interesting and interested in new things. included in that is my determination to explore nyc and be able to actually comment on restaurants/exhibits/events that happen in this city, since i really do live here. this week i will be updating you with some of my other new interests. here we go:

thing 1: yoga!

i'm a pseudo-gym rat. i hate running outside, i'm too scared to bike on the streets of manhattan, and it's too hot to walk all the way over to Central Park. read: i'm laaazy. i have to be pushed into exercising by threat of personal injury--i'll run if i know otherwise i will going to fall of the treadmill; i'll lift weights if i know a trainer is going to taunt and/or hit me if i wimp out. but once i'm working out i get in the zone. so i was a bit hesitant to try yoga because it seemed all stretchy and gentle.

right.

tonight i went to a bikram yoga class and i think i sweat out 70% of my body weight. it was hot. literally. and figuratively. i think it helps that i'm a pretty stretchy person, but that was insane. as the class ended i was already looking forward to going to the one tomorrow. this was especially awesome for me, because it's a workout that encourages sweat. i hate going to the gym and seeing those girls with the perfectly coiffed hair and snazzy expensive workout clothes that they never sweat through. that's not really how i do things. i'm a sweats and t-shirt kinda girl, and i'm not really a pretty sight when i'm done working out. which seems to be the ENTIRE point of hot yoga. so, consider me hooked.

ms. f and the west village

despite living in what many tout as the "most exciting" city in the US, i am incredibly lazy in my time off. example: yesterday, i woke up after 11am and didn't get out of my pajamas until after 6pm. and that was only because i needed to run an errand. when i returned home, i promptly climbed back into my pjs and onto the couch and enjoyed the food network, hgtv and some quality syndicated television. because i am 80 years old. oh yeah, i also spent a good 3-4 hours lusting after the new iphone. i played out the whole "it's worth it/it's not worth it" debate in my mind for a solid hour. i really want the stupid thing. but i'm not going to get it (but i want it. it is cool).

i know. i'm lame. it's my summer vacation and i should be out enjoying 1)my freedom 2)the city.

so today i met up with a couple fabulous people and headed down the orange line to the west village. i like the village. i rarely go there, and i always forget how many cute places to eat, shop and watch people cooler than myself exist down below the neatly organized grid streets.

anyway.

we had reduced price cookies at rockefeller center to help sustain us on the 10 minute ride downtown. yum. the sweets helped subdue the annoyance i felt toward all of the aimless wandering tourists that were slowing down my pace (i hate it when people walk down the middle of a sidewalk REALLY slowly gazing up at the buildings, while their fanny packs and camera cases prevent you from passing on either side of them. honestly. step aside).

we then wandered around downtown for quite a while until we hit Grey Dog where, ironically, a huge grey dog and his owner were chillin outside. inside, we had sandwiches and sat at a table with a painted map of oregon. random. sadly, seal rock was nowhere to be found (they'll be getting a letter from me soon).

dessert #1 was gelato at Grom . i felt all adventurous ordering the tiramisu flavor which was AMAZING because it had chunks of this graham cracker crust goodness in it. the prices were a bit on the high end, but apparently Grom's gelato uses fruit grown entirely on their own organic farm (called Mura Mura, which i learned today also means "cheap" in tagalog. unclear if these two things are related).

dessert #2 came at Rocco's. amazing. i was practically salivating as we made our way to the back of the very long line of eager dessert-eaters. sadly i was too full to enjoy any of the incredible tasty offerings. perhaps i'll go back tomorrow. i can almost hear the chocolate dipped cannolis calling my name.

as we hit up 3 eateries in less than 2 hours i felt very "food network special." it was awesome. and i managed to refrain from turning to the imaginary camera to pose with my food, or comment on my impressive ability to eat a lot for a little in such a big city. that would've been awkward.

did i mention that last week i decided i want to give up meat and dairy and see if it helps my energy level and general overall health? based on today my willpower to change my ways needs a little encouragement.

lies my students told me...

some of you may be familiar with this beast known as "regents week" in New York. the regents is the statewide standardized testing that is conducted in high schools in all subject areas. to graduate high school out here with a regents diploma, you need to pass a minimum of 5 content area tests. one of those is the global history regents, which students take after completing my course.

those of you who have worked with/lived with me may have heard snippets of priceless essays written on various global regents tests. students are required to write a thematic essay, which is a response to a broad question (i.e.: Discuss 2 leaders who have had an impact on a region. Explain one action they took and one specific way that their action impacted the region). sounds simple right?

well, lucky for those of us who must read the regents essays, some students spice things up with their own variations of history. there are two topics that kids in the city learn about ceaselessly in history: apartheid and the holocaust. the key reason for this emphasis is that both of these topics are virtual goldmines of regents essay topic info. almost any regents essay question can be answered using a spin on one of these two events. no joke. and, in commemoration of the end of the 2007-08 school year, and the winding down of regents week, i bring you the top 5 regents commentaries of my brief teaching career (at least the ones i can legitimately remember, including original spelling errors):

#5: Nelson Mandela. "Women's suffrage was helped by nelson mandela in the 1930s when women and blacks weren't allowed to vote." man! i ALWAYS forget to thank nelson mandela when i cast my vote. also, the 1930s? come on.

#4-2: The Holocaust. seriously. if i teach for 10 more years, i could have the most amazing book filled with fabulous quotes. and you know you would buy it.

#4: great way to start a serious sentence: "Aldolph Hitler, also known as just Hitler..."

#3: "There was a successful man. His followers became known as the Jews."

#2: "During the holacaust [sidenote: clearly this is pronounced "hola!" caust] some of the terrible things Hitler did were to force jews to take cold showers and wear wooden shoes, even if they didn't fit or weren't the right size.

#1: If Rodney King had had a gun, he would still be alive today.
(Honestly, I think this quote might actually be from a debate we had in class one year, but it was far too priceless to omit from my list.)


And, scene.

he ain't heavy, he's my brother

my brother graduated from Oregon State University this weekend. he got his bachelors in fine arts with a concentration in sculpture. if there wasn't overwhelming evidence that we're related, seeing his talent on display at the senior art show and in his own gallery, i'd question the possibility that i was adopted. see below:

this is my brother's work. he was awarded the highest award in the OSU art department (including MONEY) for it. one alum who came to the show offered him a job immediately upon seeing this piece. sheesh. keep in mind, i can barely draw a stick figure. not that it's a competition.

seeing my brother graduate made me think back to my own graduation 5 (gasp!) years ago, but mostly it made me act like a proud older sister. i only see my brother about twice a year, and i rarely get to see him in his element--it's always at my parents or for family holidays. seeing him in Corvallis was like seeing him as an adult for the first time. it was pretty cool. and i am still in awe at his amazing artistic talent. i took about a million pictures of his various pieces and the studio where he works. i'll be posting them periodically to brag about my talented family.

To your left: the golden child with another one of his pieces.

as kids, i always knew my brother was the favorite. here's photographic evidence that even higher powers prefer him.

what's poppin in the classroom?

want to know whether you'd love or hate me as your teacher?

here's the latest (and final) project of the 2007-08 school year in my class. well, this is the example that i created. students are going to write and record a voice over for a fake movie preview focusing on one historical theme or time period. i made the previews (all 8 of them) on my trusty laptop. having a mac rocks.



you know you were diggin the duran duran in those first 10 seconds.

maybe someone who works at apple will see this and send me a classroom computer cart full of mac books so students can do this type of hands-on, technology based learning to help them succeed in the 21st century?

or maybe i can just be really obnoxious and force you, friend, to watch the poor man's version of a movie trailer.

no one would tell: my not so secret love for lifetime tv.

It's 1 pm on a Saturday and I am currently enjoying some quality lifetime tv. I like to imagine that my extended knowledge of lifetime movies is a dirty little secret, but in reality, I think my inability to hide the fact that:
1. I've seen "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?" at least 3 times
2. I know Sixx from Blossom was in the best hazing movie ever with Hilary Swank AND Zack Morris (aka Mark Paul Gosselaar)
3. I have seen this guy attempt to kill both Kellie Martin AND Tori Spelling in various movies

might count against me.

Anyway, if you are home, turn the tv to lifetime immediately to enjoy "No One Would Tell." It's Fred Savage in a whole different light, people. Who knew he had such well defined biceps? Right now Candace Cameron is attempting to look "sassy" while shopping at the mall set from those Saved By the Bell episodes when Zack's crew ventures out beyond Max's and Bayside High School. When Fred sees her in her new black mini skirt at school, his jealousy can only mean one thing: bad news and for Candace.

This makes me long for the days of sweet, sensitive Kevin Arnold and his green Jets jacket.