and...scene?

i've spent the past 14 days traveling, staying on futons, in spare rooms and living out of my suitcase. while i love being on vacation, i am getting ready to sleep in my own bed again. this trip has reawakened me to the awkward reality that i feel out of place in a lot of places. Here's a list of all the places i've traveled so far and felt like i didn't quite fit in.

1. Los Angeles, CA.
My first stop, to visit a friend and go to a wedding. LA was fun. i ate a lot of good food, went to the beach and caught up with a good friend. the wedding was also fun (and instead of wedding cake, they served individual molten chocolate cakes....) and gorgeous--it took place in the mountains outside LA. it was also my first jewish wedding. i began to feel slightly out of place when we arrived for the first part of the ceremony--the signing of the traditional marriage contract, and everyone else seemed to know the words to the hebrew song being sung. much of the actual wedding ceremony was also performed in hebrew, making me regret my decision to take spanish in high school and college. but the reception followed nicely with a universal language--alcohol--and a quality dj and drums.

2. Dinuba, CA.
Where my parents grew up and where they live again, after leaving the Oregon coast a few years back. I don't really fit in here either, but I didn't notice all so much, because I was stuck in my parents home with no mode of transportation AND I think the low temperature while i was there was 103. this leg of the trip concluded with my grandmother telling me she hoped that i would move back to california, settle down, get married and have kids before she dies. (no pressure)

3. Redwood City, CA.
The south bay could be my scene, but i would need a car. yesterday, i walked to the caltrain station from my friend's house in redwood city to catch a ride to stanford. it was a 45 minute walk, but it wasn't hot yet, the sun was out and life was pretty good. as i walked, i noticed that the only other people walking anywhere were: an old woman in her pajamas and much later down the road, a group of kids chaperoned by their teachers at vacation bible school. hmm.

i could feel the dubious looks being thrown my way by various drivers who passed me by. i began to imagine what they thought of me--it was supposed to be a hot day, so i was wearing a sundress. i felt more and more like a streetwalker with every car that passed. i wanted to call out "i'm just visiting and i don't have a car! i'm on my way to the train station! honest!" but i resisted the urge.

4. Stanford, CA
once at stanford, i was hit with a wave of nostalgia so powerful that i thought i might be sick. it was strange to be back as a visitor. since i lived on campus all of my time at stanford, i guess i felt a certain amount of possessiveness over it--it's my campus with my old dorms, classrooms, vast expanses of green grass under perfect skies and amazing weather. mine. jealousy coursed through my veins every time a current student pedaled past me on their bike wearing a stanford t-shirt. i both missed it and felt like an intruder. i wanted to be back, but more importantly, i wanted to feel like i belonged back at stanford. it was sort of depressing.

Further proof that I'm weird
I'll leave you with the thoughts that came to me as I was walking to the train yesterday, as added proof that i'm just a bit awkward.

i followed the directions my hosts gave me to get to the train--i was on the lookout for James St. and i began to notice an odd trend in the street names. the first few streets were tree names, but stuck between Oak and Maple (or something like that) was Arden. i was a history major so i don't really know--is arden a type of tree? does anyone know?

right after oak, the streets gave up on nature and leaped into presidents.

it's always the same presidents too--Roosevelt, Lincoln, Washington....but i was caught off guard by "Harrison St." whoa. which Harrison? Benjamin or William Henry? and, really? we're going with one of them before we hit up Thomas Jefferson, one of the Adams' or even Grant? this got me a little concerned that i was going to walk through all 43 presidents' street names before encountering james street. it couldn't be, i told myself. maybe they went with "james" because there were so many presidents whose first names were James. I tried to make a list of all the James' who have been president--Madison, Monroe, Polk, Buchanan, Garfield...and should we count Carter there too? i was so caught up in my distress over the choice of a Harrison the presidents named James, that I nearly missed James St--the very next one after Harrison.