have sarcasm, will travel

after my fiasco-filled trek to oregon a few weeks ago, i was wary of the multi-leg trip across the country that i began last week. luckily, the first leg (flight from new york to LA) was smooth sailing (or flying). but that's not to say i didn't scrape up every entertaining moment and file it away for later. for example:

as i was waiting in line at the security check point, i noticed a family traveling with a tiny dog (you know, the ones that are better purse accessories than pets) in the line across from mine. i took off my shoes, sweatshirt, belt and unpacked my computer, and couldn't help overhearing the mother ask security as she approached the x-ray machine "should we take the dog out of the carrier?" i was sort of stunned. did she think she should leave the dog IN the carrier as it went through the machine? was she going to stick her 2 kids in separate plastic bins and run them through the machine, just for good measure? awesome.

i tried to pack light on this trip, so i didn't have my normal 55 lb carry-on full of books to read in case i got bored. i did have my laptop. so what follows are the results of an unoccupied mind. looking back it really highlights my anxious and slightly irrational nature. enjoy:

So this is my second large travel experience in the past two weeks. I used to love traveling. I felt cosmopolitan and wealthy. Then, I realized that the wealthy fly first class. I fly coach.

My recent distaste for flying has only been heightened by the decision of major airlines to begin charging passengers to check any bags. I flew American. Lucky for me, American’s new policy of making you pay to pack appropriately for extended trips (please don’t even get me started on their $5 on-board “snacks”), only applied to people who purchased tickets after may 15. I think I bought mine on April 30. Whew! Crisis averted, at least until Christmas. Or possibly my 5 year college reunion. But seriously, on average I spend $500 round trip these days to get home. Should I really be expected to pay an extra $15 to get my stuff home with me?

I envision this new policy only making my pre-travel anxiety and OCD packing rituals all the more dramatic. Every single time I fly, I will pack my bags, feel promptly and simultaneously guilty for packing so much and anxious to cram more clothing that I know I won’t wear into the bag. Just in case. This typically results in me bringing home 14 outfits for a 3 day trip, during which time I actually wear the same outfit three days in a row, because let’s be honest—I’m in Dinuba California and only leave my parents house once. And that’s to go to Wal-mart to get more ice-cream/cheetos/$5 discount bin DVDs.

My current travels, which have me sitting peacefully in a very air conditioned gate at La Guardia, included my regretful decision to pack a checked bag. I hate checking bags. Secretly, I think it’s the real reason I hate flying. (Well, that and my irrational fear that I will plummet to the ground and meet an untimely end.) I have the worst luck in general, but even WORSE luck when it comes to specific things like having checked bags wind up lost for a few days.

My bags have been lost more than I care to remember, and it’s always on trips where I have been traveling for an inordinate amount of time and been unable to shower for 24+ hours, making me cranky, smelly and desperate for my clothing which is inexplicably located in Peoria. It’s nonsense. And then, the airline delivery service has to give me a 12 hour window of when my bags “may” arrive, so that I am stuck in my apartment all day waiting around. Without fail, they show up in the final 20 minutes of said 12 hour window. This happened to me last summer, last new years’, one trip home from college and I’m pretty sure at least a few more times. Honestly.

Whew. Taking that rant into consideration, it’s safe to say that I don’t really trust anyone with my bags except for myself and my dad. (he’s always willing to lug them out of the car/off the baggage claim belt for me, no matter how ridiculously heavy they are). So, if I don’t trust the airlines with my bags, why on earth am I going to PAY them to potentially lose my bags one more time?