inner. inner city. inner city pressure.

lately i've been wishing that i was from new zealand. i've become ever so slightly (read: insanely) obsessed with Flight of the Conchords now that i've resurrected my netflix account and it's brightened my rainy may days like few other things could. if i were from new zealand, my fabulously non-california accent would make my naivete seem charming, not obnoxious considering my age. and i could definitely pull off a sweatshirt with a screen printed stag or unicorn, making it look effortlessly hip, rather than like i am clinging to my unfortunately styled youth in rural oregon. but most importantly, i could probably play the guitar and sing well. and about important issues like inner city pressure.

there's been lots of pressure in the inner city these days. and i think it's causing me to grow up just a little bit.

in the week that my class is studying Gandhi and the nonviolent movement in India, a gun was pulled on a student in the playground. does that fit the real definition of irony, or is it better suited to an alanis morissette song? seriously though, i'm a firm believer that despite their bad reputations, urban schools are not dens of drugs, weapons and apathy. i work in a good school. and it's urban. and the kid who pulled the gun isn't even a student. he lives in the housing projects across the street. as a result, all after school activities were canceled, students can't go outside for lunch, and there's extra security posted on the campus. i initially played the incident down in my own mind. i think most teachers in my school (or possibly just the distracted, overworked ones like me) feel a certain distance and sense of safety or security at work--i know i don't think of my school as a dangerous place or worry that i am putting myself in danger on my walk to/from work, or while i'm in the building. generally, teachers are left alone when it comes to the neighborhood. this week, the realization that my students probably don't feel this same sense of distance or security really sank in.

the other sure fire sign that i'm growed up and it's all thanks to inner city pressure? don't worry, it will make you laugh.

as part of our advisory curriculum, and as a response to the number of pregnancies among students, we decided that it would be good to teach a sexual health unit to the 11th graders. as we planned it, it sounded like a really great idea--teaching about a super-relevant and urgent topic. then we began actually mapping out the topics and lessons. this is when my inner monologue began to hyperventilate and giggle uncontrollably. this was not a hot topic at the dinner table when ms. f was growing up. i believe that the talk my parents had with me was 2 seconds long: "Don't." and, being the emotionally stunted child that i was, i happily avoided the conversation. we have yet to return to the discussion to this day. i'm 26 now. granted, i had to suffer through health class, but i can guarantee you i never thought i'd have to teach it.

have you ever had to demonstrate how to put on a condom to 18 teenagers? my guess is that the answer is no. also, my guess is that you are able to actually say the word 'condom' without blushing. also, if you know me, my guess is that you are already laughing. also, stop laughing. it was REALLY EMBARRASSING.

but, i managed to get through the lesson properly, and so did the students. and then, it was like suddenly i could use anatomically correct language without turning beet red (perhaps just a nice shade of magenta). i will spare you exposure to my newfound freedom of speech, but it was like years of uncomfortable anxiousness melted away. which was probably good, because the next day i had to explain the purpose of the female condom and dental dam. yeah. you try having a serious discussion that includes the phrase "dental dam" to a bunch of hormonal 17 year olds without getting a little bit giggly yourself.

but in all seriousness, the horrifying thought of teaching sex ed gave way to actually enjoying teaching something my students are genuinely interested in and NEED to be educated about immediately. you'd be amazed at both what they do and do not know.

i'm not sure i'm ready for any more growing up for at least another 8 years.