well played, groundhog.

in an attempt to keep my new years' resolution to blog more, here goes attempt #2 of 2009. today is monday and i'm pretty tired, so there's not really a common theme to what i'm thinking....

students come back to school tomorrow after a few days off during regents week. i'm not mentally prepared for them. i bet they're not mentally prepared for me either. sigh.

the weather here was about 35 degrees higher than it has been in a long time. it threw me off a bit.

apparently, each borough in nyc has its own groundhog. what happens if the bronx groundhog sees his shadow, but in staten island there's no shadow? mass hysteria?

i can't get that old song "Mr. Vain" by Culture Beat out of my head. it's been there all weekend long. seriously. don't know what i'm talking about? i guarantee that if you were born between 1970-1994 you actually do...

i just bought an iphone and i'm even annoying myself with my one track mindedness about the whole thing. i love it. i can't think about anything else. but i think the relationship might be slightly one sided.

new vocabulary.

new world of the day: dry.

not as in, the opposite of wet, but as in "Miss, this project is DRY."

said by a former student about a project done by one of my current students, in an attempt to shine light on the fact that the work was quickly done and without creativity.

in ms. f terms, dry = super lame/not exciting/the lesson i taught about limited monarch today/mwaph mwaph.

antonyms: poppin/hot/nice/"fly" (student's word, not mine), or anything else meaning really good. again, wet is NOT a proper antonym.

Something is rotten in the state of new york.

and that something is the end of the weekend.

do other people dread sunday night like i do, or is it a teacher thing?

discuss.

top 2 favorite halloween sightings

i am semi-lame and avoiding the crazy nyc halloween scene this year. i'll be home on my couch watching The Ring for the first time and probably inducing a week of insomnia (because let's face it, i'm a big fat wuss when it comes to scary movies. i watch them through the cracks between my fingers).

but i saw 2 things that made me laugh today:

1. a big black shaggy dog taking a walk with his owner. he had a thick line of cotton attached somehow to his back so that he was dressed up as a (wait for it) skunk. it was pretty funny.

2. two girls between the ages of 10-13. i feel like an alarming number of girls that age these days are dressing sorta skanky on halloween (and other random days of the year). i realize this makes me sound like my mother. i don't really care. but anyway, these girls were wearing matching clothes and they were both sharing a giant cardigan sweater--each with one arm in the armhole, so that they were conjoined twins. awesome? yes.

school was remarkably uneventful for a typically crazy day. although i did have to confiscate a phone during classtime, and the girl i took it from did definitely call me the "b word." ouch. what she didn't realize is that when you call someone a profane name, it tends to make them less likely to actually give you what you want. whoops.

is it friday yet?

...i take that back. is it june yet?

peel me off the dirty classroom floor when it is.

thanks.

ms f creates a contest.

want to be a winner?

help me think of a good, juicy storyline for a soap opera about the middle ages.

in about a month, my students will be writing and performing brief scenes from their very own telenovelas about (cue dramatic music) THE MIDDLE AGES!!!!!

here's a little teaser i created this week to get them in the mood (please feel free to applaud my gratutious use of dramatic trailer music).

here's where you come in.

i don't really watch soap operas. but i have to create a sample to show students what i expect from them. i'll be filming the sample with some of my old students, but we need a script before i can film. i'm hitting a bit of a mental roadblock when thinking up plot points.

so, i need ideas for a mildly ridiculous but still funny and historically accurate storyline that includes the following things:

• a far off bloody war (The Crusades)
• traveling to a new land (The Silk Road)
  
• incurable disease (The Black Death)
• new art/science/technology (The Renaissance)
  
• turning your back on the church (The Protestant Reformation)

The person who provides me with the best overall plot for a Medieval soap will get a free drink from ms f upon our next meeting!

Additionally, the person who gives me the best title suggestion for my fake soap opera will also get a free drink!

This contest ends on October 10th.

i'm a genius!

i've just updated my itunes software so that i now have itunes 8.0. how much do i love the new genius feature? (the answer is SO MUCH). i can now have my computer pick out all my early 90s angsty music in seconds, by simply clicking on just one angsty song. right now i'm definitely swaying to some mazzy star. it all reminds me of 8th grade homeroom. i'm not really sure why.

but when i think of 8th grade homeroom that reminds me of the time that i got a black eye (in that very classroom, which was also my social studies classroom) on valentines day. i was walking to class and someone was leaving another classroom and the door opened out and flew into my face. my homeroom was in a building where the classrooms opened to the outside, not to an indoor hallway. so the doors were heavy. this means the door actually hurt pretty badly when it HIT MY FACE.

seriously. who does this happen to? on valentines day. thinking back, i don't even really understand the physics of how a big all-weather door can actually hit someone in the face, rather than the shoulder or leg. but it happened to me. when i was 12. like i wasn't lame enough anyway. i was already that geeky new girl with bushy eyebrows and bad hair. i hadn't thought of that incident in probably 8 years. it's refreshing to realize that my awkwardness isn't a new thing, it's something i've perfected over the course of my ENTIRE LIFE.

hee.

ps--i know i'm a social studies teacher, but i found the debate yesterday kinda dull. i watched it while on a work retreat, so maybe the combination of friday night sleepiness, a long day of school stuff, a bus full of alcohol, cheese-its and sour patch kids impacted my ability to focus. be glad i'm not teaching your kids.

things i noticed today.

i noticed that...

1. 5:15 am is a pretty unpleasant wake up time.
2. tuesday morning before 5:30 am feels suspiciously like you've been hit by a big fat truck.
3. my train rides are all about the 90s music
   
4. they can sell hard-boiled eggs in "protein snack packs" at starbucks? eew.
5. it feels like fall outside. awesome!
6. it feels like a tropical rainforest in my classroom. not awesome!
7. i am entirely overscheduled.
8. on average, my students are pretty terrible liars.
9. i'm tired of bringing my lunch to school. (and it's only tuesday)
10. kickboxing yesterday killed my legs.
11. i was slightly tempted to strangle a few students.
12. there was a boy of no more than 10 walking across the street in a 1940s style military uniform, holding the hand of a well-dressed older woman. motherboy anyone?
13. i may have consumed an entire bottle of salad dressing on top of one salad. does that make it less healthy?
14. while i find her somewhat repulsive the "rachel zoe project" on bravo is sort of addictive. (ps: i should be banned from watching bravo tv)
15. the thought of leaving this chair to go to the gym is pretty much impossible.
16. the thought of leaving this chair to go get ice cream is HIGHLY tempting.
    
17. i have to get up and do it all again tomorrow.
    

how much smarter would you be if I was YOUR teacher?

because the following is a direct quote from one of my students' comments on our class discussion site:

"The government would not be as strong, powerful, and as vital at it is today without the input of humans."

technically, she's right. the government would NOT be strong, powerful, or nearly as vital as it is today, without the input of humans.

this analytical fabulousness manifested itself after only 3 weeks. imagine the level of conversation we'll be approaching in a month.

now, just think of the leaps and bounds that YOU could make in your study of history and the human condition under my tutelage.

end of summer blues

so last week i went back to school, to get my classroom ready and gear up for the coming year. school starts on tuesday. sigh. 

the upside: i have a nice classroom in a brand new building and it's looking pretty good (i'm going to upload pics soon so that everyone can ooh and aah at my decorative skills)

the downside: i have to go back to work. 

i've been really enjoying summer. i think i've slightly reverted back to my high school years. evidence: 

- i can't stop listening to rihanna and katy perry. i recognize that katy perry's music is annoying. but it's like crack. 

- i was recently introduced to the twilight book series. about vampires. and teen angst. and i am so hooked. i spent 3 hours in the middle of this afternoon reading on my couch instead of enjoying the lovely outside air on my 2nd to last day of summer vacation. i may even go back to reading the rest after posting this, so that i can be done with the obsession. 

unrelated: my hard drive died on friday and i responded with immediate panic and anxiety. i think i may have sustained a slight heart attack. by saturday afternoon the genius bar had replaced my hard drive with a brand new one for me to pick up. luckily i back up my files, so i only lost like 4 or 5 files. seriously people--back up your computers. 

new summer thing #6

drumroll please...

summer thing #6: geeky internet technology

so i've been developing some web resources for my class in the fall, and in my work, i've discovered how to save youtube videos so that i can use them in class. awesome.

i also came across the coolest website ever for a not-so-secret geek like me. it made my day. i can't tell you how many times i've watched a movie trailer and wondered "what is that song? where have i heard that before?" now i can look it up! like the dork that i am. i stumbled across it while looking for resources to develop a class project to create more, awesome, fake movie trailers about ancient history. now i can try to find hot tracks to make my students' trailers seem more realistic.

on a side note: have you seen the preview for the movie Mirrors? It looks terrible. honestly. i mean, kiefer sutherland, couldn't you stick to 24, not getting into trouble with the law, and confusing me about why you don't have an accent but your father does?

lastly, i just bought my airline ticket for my 5 year college reunion. class of 03, i'll be schmoozin with you on the lush campus of Stahn-forrrd in just over 2 months. yay!

lies my students told me...

some of you may be familiar with this beast known as "regents week" in New York. the regents is the statewide standardized testing that is conducted in high schools in all subject areas. to graduate high school out here with a regents diploma, you need to pass a minimum of 5 content area tests. one of those is the global history regents, which students take after completing my course.

those of you who have worked with/lived with me may have heard snippets of priceless essays written on various global regents tests. students are required to write a thematic essay, which is a response to a broad question (i.e.: Discuss 2 leaders who have had an impact on a region. Explain one action they took and one specific way that their action impacted the region). sounds simple right?

well, lucky for those of us who must read the regents essays, some students spice things up with their own variations of history. there are two topics that kids in the city learn about ceaselessly in history: apartheid and the holocaust. the key reason for this emphasis is that both of these topics are virtual goldmines of regents essay topic info. almost any regents essay question can be answered using a spin on one of these two events. no joke. and, in commemoration of the end of the 2007-08 school year, and the winding down of regents week, i bring you the top 5 regents commentaries of my brief teaching career (at least the ones i can legitimately remember, including original spelling errors):

#5: Nelson Mandela. "Women's suffrage was helped by nelson mandela in the 1930s when women and blacks weren't allowed to vote." man! i ALWAYS forget to thank nelson mandela when i cast my vote. also, the 1930s? come on.

#4-2: The Holocaust. seriously. if i teach for 10 more years, i could have the most amazing book filled with fabulous quotes. and you know you would buy it.

#4: great way to start a serious sentence: "Aldolph Hitler, also known as just Hitler..."

#3: "There was a successful man. His followers became known as the Jews."

#2: "During the holacaust [sidenote: clearly this is pronounced "hola!" caust] some of the terrible things Hitler did were to force jews to take cold showers and wear wooden shoes, even if they didn't fit or weren't the right size.

#1: If Rodney King had had a gun, he would still be alive today.
(Honestly, I think this quote might actually be from a debate we had in class one year, but it was far too priceless to omit from my list.)


And, scene.

it was way more intense in person.

roller derby? amazing. the gotham girls roller derby held a bronx v. brooklyn game in the basement of hunter college last saturday, and it was possibly my favorite adventure in a good four months. it left me desperate for some witty nickname to stick onto my clothing (see "Beyonslay" or "Lemony Kickit" of the Bronx Gridlock) and brimming with faux pride for the bronx (because, um, i used to teach there?).

it was like being a grown up in the 80s. which i did again today. because today was "Decades Day" for our school's spirit week. naturally, the decade that spoke to me was the 1980s. i was like not-quite-so-skanky madonna meets jennifer beals circa flashdance--complete with fingerless mesh gloves AND legwarmers with heels. and shorts.

all the glitter and dancing must have gone to my head and made me less alert though, because someone (perhaps a student? i'm not sure exactly) stole my flash drive. it has all my school stuff on it. all the things that i spent ages creating to make my class slightly less boring. these things have no value to whatever person took them, but the thought that they are gone for good is making me nauseated. or maybe that's just the sweltering heat and humidity that has permeated my bedroom despite my trusty window unit and its fierce attempts to cool my room.

thoughts, comments, concerns

a glimpse into the inner workings of a befuddled mind....

thoughts:

• "5 more teaching days. 5 more teaching days. 5 more teaching days."
• "i hate kickball"
• "i love kickball"
  

comments:

• "when i was in high school i was too scared of the wrath of my parents to ever cut school." (also, i didn't have a car and we lived in the boondocks. so i couldn't really cut anyway.)
• "cake = good"
  

concerns:

• "what if i sound like a 13 year old boy for the rest of my life?" (i lost my voice a few months back. it returned eventually, but lately i've been feeling like a 13 year old boy. the squeaks, cracks and general unpredictability of just how high my voice can go has been a wee bit uncomfortable. what if i have permanent voice damage? is that something the UFT would cover as a work related injury?)
• "what if roller derby is THE most amazing sporting event experience of my life and no other sporting event ever tops it?" (this might not be a bad thing).
  
• "what if i never clean my room again?" (this is half-concern and half-threat)
  

what's poppin in the classroom?

want to know whether you'd love or hate me as your teacher?

here's the latest (and final) project of the 2007-08 school year in my class. well, this is the example that i created. students are going to write and record a voice over for a fake movie preview focusing on one historical theme or time period. i made the previews (all 8 of them) on my trusty laptop. having a mac rocks.



you know you were diggin the duran duran in those first 10 seconds.

maybe someone who works at apple will see this and send me a classroom computer cart full of mac books so students can do this type of hands-on, technology based learning to help them succeed in the 21st century?

or maybe i can just be really obnoxious and force you, friend, to watch the poor man's version of a movie trailer.

inner. inner city. inner city pressure.

lately i've been wishing that i was from new zealand. i've become ever so slightly (read: insanely) obsessed with Flight of the Conchords now that i've resurrected my netflix account and it's brightened my rainy may days like few other things could. if i were from new zealand, my fabulously non-california accent would make my naivete seem charming, not obnoxious considering my age. and i could definitely pull off a sweatshirt with a screen printed stag or unicorn, making it look effortlessly hip, rather than like i am clinging to my unfortunately styled youth in rural oregon. but most importantly, i could probably play the guitar and sing well. and about important issues like inner city pressure.

there's been lots of pressure in the inner city these days. and i think it's causing me to grow up just a little bit.

in the week that my class is studying Gandhi and the nonviolent movement in India, a gun was pulled on a student in the playground. does that fit the real definition of irony, or is it better suited to an alanis morissette song? seriously though, i'm a firm believer that despite their bad reputations, urban schools are not dens of drugs, weapons and apathy. i work in a good school. and it's urban. and the kid who pulled the gun isn't even a student. he lives in the housing projects across the street. as a result, all after school activities were canceled, students can't go outside for lunch, and there's extra security posted on the campus. i initially played the incident down in my own mind. i think most teachers in my school (or possibly just the distracted, overworked ones like me) feel a certain distance and sense of safety or security at work--i know i don't think of my school as a dangerous place or worry that i am putting myself in danger on my walk to/from work, or while i'm in the building. generally, teachers are left alone when it comes to the neighborhood. this week, the realization that my students probably don't feel this same sense of distance or security really sank in.

the other sure fire sign that i'm growed up and it's all thanks to inner city pressure? don't worry, it will make you laugh.

as part of our advisory curriculum, and as a response to the number of pregnancies among students, we decided that it would be good to teach a sexual health unit to the 11th graders. as we planned it, it sounded like a really great idea--teaching about a super-relevant and urgent topic. then we began actually mapping out the topics and lessons. this is when my inner monologue began to hyperventilate and giggle uncontrollably. this was not a hot topic at the dinner table when ms. f was growing up. i believe that the talk my parents had with me was 2 seconds long: "Don't." and, being the emotionally stunted child that i was, i happily avoided the conversation. we have yet to return to the discussion to this day. i'm 26 now. granted, i had to suffer through health class, but i can guarantee you i never thought i'd have to teach it.

have you ever had to demonstrate how to put on a condom to 18 teenagers? my guess is that the answer is no. also, my guess is that you are able to actually say the word 'condom' without blushing. also, if you know me, my guess is that you are already laughing. also, stop laughing. it was REALLY EMBARRASSING.

but, i managed to get through the lesson properly, and so did the students. and then, it was like suddenly i could use anatomically correct language without turning beet red (perhaps just a nice shade of magenta). i will spare you exposure to my newfound freedom of speech, but it was like years of uncomfortable anxiousness melted away. which was probably good, because the next day i had to explain the purpose of the female condom and dental dam. yeah. you try having a serious discussion that includes the phrase "dental dam" to a bunch of hormonal 17 year olds without getting a little bit giggly yourself.

but in all seriousness, the horrifying thought of teaching sex ed gave way to actually enjoying teaching something my students are genuinely interested in and NEED to be educated about immediately. you'd be amazed at both what they do and do not know.

i'm not sure i'm ready for any more growing up for at least another 8 years.

well, i AM half white.

According to my new favorite website, white people really like book deals.

So... at least half of me feels pretty good about this. The other half is frantically trying to translate the last few sentences into espanol.

But all of me thinks that:

• Next Generation Press is fabulous
• my old students in the Bronx are poppin' (and now about to be published!!!)
• you should seriously reconsider your thoughts on standardized testing

Want to know more? Click here and scroll down to the SAT Bronx project!

career opportunities.

This was in the Times last week.

Um. Take away all of my resources, give me MORE students, but it's all good because I'll make 2.5 times my current salary?

Verdict: whack.

I'll keep my smaller salary, slightly smaller class size, my trusty lcd projector and revel in my apparent mediocrity.

Thoughts?

stuff half my ancestors like.

hi friend.
it's been a busy monday.

luckily, all the negatives and stupid events that could get you down have been vastly overshadowed by a few new fascinations.

1. disturbia. i just saw this movie over the weekend. i put it off for a long time, mainly because many of my students highly recommended it. these are also the people who raved about "the hills have eyes 2" and are clamoring to see "step up 2 the streets." word. nevertheless, i caved and spent part of the weekend savoring teen angst, romance, and sketchy voyeurism all set to an equally angst-ridden alternative soundtrack. my roommate can attest to the fact that i was squealing at the tv while curled up in our armchair, and peering through my fingers (and a haze of tangible fear) at our tiny screen. i simultaneously hate and love scary movies. i love the idea of them but hate the actual "being scared" part of watching. when i'm at my parents house, if we watch something scary, i will literally refuse to enter my bedroom until my father has gone in and closed the blinds. no joke. i can't watch a scary movie without talking myself through it for fear of a self-induced heart attack. and yet i totally buy into the appeal of being terrified. am i alone in this? to sum it up, i was pleasantly surprised and entirely mortified at disturbia--and i as much as it pains me to say, i have a new respect (and secret love) for shia lebouf.

2. things white people like. i discovered the amazingness thanks to a co-worker on friday and spent the better part of friday night barking questions like "how often do you wear t-shirts?!" and "do you like bottled water/A Tribe Called Quest/Mos Def?" to my bewildered white colleagues while downing glass after glass of wine at happy hour. Take a moment and check out the website that has taken my precarious half-mexicanness by storm and brought back to the surface painful memories of my very own childhood identity crisis. Which, according to my new fave site, makes me pretty darn white. Just in the past few days, they've added the #85 thing that white people like: "The Wire." it's true. all the white people i know love The Wire. drop me a line if you're a white person who doesn't like it.

3. guava paste. it's AMAZING. much like the above link. i've been eating it on crackers, in pastries (that i made MYSELF. keep in mind, it's an accomplishment when i successfully make toast.), on bread, plain...does this make me less white and more mexican? white people don't really eat guava right? if it helps, i also often eat tortillas, enjoy margaritas and an occasional enchilada, spent a summer in oaxaca, was sometimes called "media mexicana" by my good friend maria in grad school, and i used the word "si" today when speaking to a student.

a model of restraint.

teaching can be hard. teaching teenagers can be real, well, real i guess. real something. high schoolers have this obnoxious, needy, hilarious, awkward, moody j'ne se quois (oooh! look at my french!) and the past few days have been chock full of all that. it's been a rough week thus far and i have a high point and a low point that probably demonstrate my own immaturity more than the annoying teenager-ness of my students. start with the bad, end with the good.

the low point:
today one of my chronically moody students informed me that the assignment we were working on was too long, so she wasn't going to do it. she often needs to be prodded along with humor, pleading, a kindly worded compliment. i did all of this to no avail and her whiny complaining continued. did i mention this was 9 am? as most normal people are savoring their coffee and walking into the office, i am dealing with someone else's pouting child. it took all of my worldly power to resist yanking the wig off of her head and throwing it out the window. yes, wig. not a weave or anything. and she has regular hair underneath it. you can see the bottom of the wig in the part. awkward. it's a burnt-orange looking wig and maybe secretly, that, above all the other nonsense coming out of her mouth, bothered me. needless to say, her hair stayed on and her paper remained blank.

score--ms. f (0), angry orange student (-1) because she got a zero on the assignment AND come on, a wig?

the high point:
you know you have arrived when two of the self-proclaimed "smart, funny" boys in your class have a discussion that ends with "yo, she stayed playin you son. just stop now." for those of you who are not teachers or from brooklyn, that roughly translates to: "ms. f. is funnier than you, and so are her jokes, so stop embarrassing yourself in front of the rest of the class."

score-- ms. f (1), unfunny student (0)

in a last, unrelated note, i had to return some books to the library today. which meant i had to trek into that unholy land--the resting place of all things soulless--midtown. the whole trip was unfortunate, but it provided some people watching that is decidedly different than my normal high school people watching. i also heard some choice quotes:

1. "But mommy, the train is 2 miles away." spoken into a cell phone by a woman older than me, tinier than me, carrying a Louis Vuitton bag. honestly? I don't get the appeal--they're bulky, brown wrinkly leather bags, and if they didn't cost $400 you would think they were ugly too. Also, she should've had her chauffeur Jeeves drop her off at the train station instead of all the way down at Rockefeller Center. Better luck next time, Muffy.

2. "Perhaps it is best to enter axially." spoken by Tobias Funke's doppelganger to his walking companions, as the prepared their strategy to walk into Rockefeller Center. Awesome.

3. This wasn't anything heard, just observed. Perhaps it's the slightly warmer weather or just a crazy wind, but what is UP with all the older women dressing younger than me? I saw a woman who was definitely in her mid 50s, wearing a mini-skirt with knee high boots and a fur lined vest. Hmm.

So there you have it, friend. One day, two very different environments, crazy shenanigans!