like a bad 3rd date.

for those of you who don't know, i have to go to the cardiologist once a year because i have a congenital heart problem that needs to be monitored. what goes along with this annual check-up? really awkward tests, like the echocardiogram.

today was my check-up. i show up like a responsible adult at 10:50 for an 11am appt. true to doctor style, i am forced to wait in the waiting room until 11:40. when the dr finally sees me, she doesn't actually speak to me for the first 10 minutes, instead flipping through my chart and mysteriously typing while looking only at the screen of her computer and my chart. awkwardly, i pick at the arms of the wooden chair and wish that the standard seascape painting on the wall will swallow me up. that's a bad sign--i get sea sick.

anyway, after my brief check-in w/the doc, i have to wait another 35 minutes for the echo test, done by an eastern european woman who was not very friendly. ever had an echo? it's like a sonogram, but of your heart, not your baby. anyway, people usually think sonograms are all sweet--you get to see your baby and what not. echos? not so much.

i hate being touched. i realize that sounds all cold and frigid, but i don't care. i'm unreasonably ticklish. i once had a pedicure. it was worse than when i used to get spanked every day as a child. i don't know that i've ever met someone as ticklish as me. this is all fine and good in my depressingly single life, but it presents a problem when faced with visits to the doctor.

just like with a sonogram, when you're getting an echo done, the technician squirts this freezing cold gel onto a little "transducer" (this little stick that transmits the images to a big screen), and then presses the transducer onto your chest and rib cage to get images of your heart. i seriously thought i was going to die from the torture of ticklishness during this test. and it didn't help that the technician kept barking "don't move!" at me as i gritted my teeth and tensed every muscle in my entire body to keep from laughing/crying.

and nobody even bought me dinner first.